Flukes
by spottedhorse
Summary: Coincidences bring Gil back together with those he's been separated from. Will the reunion last? Brass and Sara are present as well. Written mostly from Gil's viewpoint and Catherine's viewpoint. Has some twists and turns and surprises.
1. Convergence

So nobody is reading my Brass story Xanadu. DOn't know what's up with that unless I've just worn out my welcome with Brass stories. BUt I'm taking a vacation from that one for awhile and maybe will pick it up again later. But it was a real bummer when people read but didn't respond much to my little GSR oneshot. Although I loved Jellybean's review, lol.

Anyway, this one has been running around in my brain for over a year and needs to be written so I can get it out and make room for more. As always, I don't own anything that has to do with CSI. But they sure are fun to play with!

* * *

Gil Grissom lay in the bed, in and out of consciousness, barely aware of his surroundings. They came and went, the doctors, nurses, and med techs, tending to his needs, checking on him, performing tests and still he was largely oblivious. His state of unawareness could be attributed to his condition, but that was only part of the story. He didn't want to be conscious, didn't care what the doctors found; he wanted oblivion. It would be easier, he reasoned in brief moments of consciousness, because Gil Grissom was completely and utterly alone.

A few months ago, his life had been full. He'd been spending his time doing research, exploring the rainforest and Sara. Then he'd accepted an invitation to lecture at The Sorbonne in Paris. She'd grown bored with him involved in the lectures and became restless. Conrad Ecklie had called and Sara had flown back to Vegas to help Grave, their old team. It began as a short thing, just a few weeks, but when she came back for a week and then left again, Gil knew something had changed.

Having finished his lectures in Paris, he accepted an invitation to speak at an entomology conference at Louisiana State University. Sara was in Paris that week, on another visit and hadn't tried to convince him to go back to Vegas with her In fact, she seemed eager for him to go to Louisiana. So he'd packed a few things, including some notes and pictures, and boarded a flight for Louisiana. She'd accompanied him to the airport, her mouth paying lip service to a reluctant parting but her eyes telling a different story. He'd learned to recognize the symptoms by now; she was saying a final good-bye. She caught a later flight back to Vegas and as the two flew in different directions, Gil felt the distance between them widening.

The conference went well and his presentation was well received. One of the professors there invited Gil to stay and speak to his classes. He called Sara to see what she thought. She didn't ask him to go to Vegas and didn't offer to join him in Baton Rouge. She told him that she had decided to stay in Vegas indefinitely, that she liked what she was doing and was enjoying reconnecting with the team and she encouraged him to stay, so he did. And then he had gotten sick. The doctor couldn't determine the cause of his illness and thought he should see a friend who might be able to help. So now he lay in a hospital in New Orleans, alone and uncaring, miles from anyone who might matter to him, unsure if he wanted to live or die.

In Las Vegas, Catherine Willows was sitting at her desk when her phone rang. "Hey Catherine," Jim Brass said softly over the phone. "Got a lead on the Richard case but it means a trip to New Orleans."

"New Orleans?" she smiled into the phone.

"Yeah, Richard was here with a business partner, who was also from New Orleans. The partner, David Hebert, was spotted back at his place this morning. I just got off the phone with Detective Trehan. He'll work with us when we get there. You in?"

"A trip to a perpetual party? Sure. How much time do I have?"

"Flight leaves in three hours."

"Okay, I'll run home and pack a bag. Meet you back here?"

"I'll swing by your place and pick you up. You're almost on the way to the airport from my place."

Catherine headed down the hall to let Nick and the others know that she would be away for a day or two. Hesitating at the doorway to their office, a small pang stabbed her heart as she realized once again that _he_ was gone. She had known he was leaving, going off to find Sara, even before he'd realized it. She did everything she could to support his decision, but his departure left a huge hole in her life and her heart and she still had difficulty entering his office.

"Hey Nick," she said as she gathered her courage and walked in.

Nick listened to her as she filled him in and nodded when she told him that he'd be the acting Supervisor. "So just a few days?" he asked. "Not going to stay and party?" he teased.

"Not planning to…it is on the company dime, remember…"

"Yeah. Well, try to see of the sights, okay. It is a great city."

"Thanks Nick. Call me if you need anything and I'll see you when I get back."

The flight was uneventful. Jim had pulled a double and slept most of the way. Catherine read a magazine she'd picked up at the airport newsstand, dozed awhile, and then stared out the window, wondering where he was now and if he was happy. With a deep sigh, she turned her attention back to the magazine, trying to put all thoughts of him out of her mind.

"Wow," Jim said as they rode into the heart of New Orleans. It's so different and yet, still the same," he observed. "Of course, it's been several years since I was here last so it would have changed some anyway…"

Catherine was looking out of the car window, detecting the signs of repair and rebuilding left in the wake of Katrina. "I hear it's a much smaller city now."

"Yeah," Jim agreed. "But I also hear that the French Quarter is still the same," he said with a smile.

Catherine glanced over at him and briefly wondered what memories were filtering through his mind from previous visits. _Obviously happy ones,_ she thought as she eyed his grin.

"Captain Brass, Ms. Willows, I'm Henry Trehan," a dark complexioned man with dark eyes greeted them at the police station. "I'm afraid the case has become more complicated."

Jim looked at him warily. "What's happened?"

"Hebert was found with a bullet in him about an hour ago. He's been taken to Ochsner's. I waited for your arrival but another detective, Pete Williams, is there with him in case he comes to."

"Okay, so now what?" Brass asked.

"Well, I can take you there, if you'd like."

"Yeah…he might wake up…" Jim replied.

An hour later, they were sitting in a waiting room down the hall from David Hebert's room. He'd come through the surgery okay, but his condition was still touch and go and the doctors wouldn't allow anyone to speak to him yet. Jim stretched and stood up. "Think I'll go fined some coffee," he said. "You want some?"

"I'm fine," Catherine smiled. She knew he was getting antsy. One thing she'd learned about Jim Brass over the years, he could never be still for long. His energy was subdued but always there, just below the surface. She lost count of the times she'd seen him fidget, rubbing his fingers together or bouncing on his toes when he was trying to stand still. His motion was always restrained, but always there. He needed coffee because he needed to move. She watched as he disappeared around a corner and then turned her attention to the others in the room.

There was a couple sitting in the corner. Both were dark, the olive complexion, dark eyes and dark hair that seemed commonplace here. "Ca se plume!" the woman said to the man, nodding as if looking for reassurance. "Ça va joliment bien aujourd'hui," the man responded. It had been years since Catherine had taken French and then she'd only half-paid attention. She'd signed up for the class in high school because Joey Swinson was in the class and she'd had a huge crush on him. But as she listened to the couple, she gathered that someone was having a good day. Their French wasn't quite what she'd learned in school and her skills were rusty at best, so she couldn't follow anymore of the conversation.

Her attention moved to the windows and she stood, intending to see what was outside. There was a disturbance in the hallway and her attention turned to it. A nurse was heading into the room next to Hebert's. Alarmed, Catherine wandered down the hall, just to be sure Hebert was okay and glanced in at the nurse as she passed the room. She was hanging an IV; apparently, the old bag had emptied. Briefly she wondered what was wrong with the patient as she moved to the next room to check on Hebert. Looking in, he seemed fine, still asleep. The nurse's exit from the other room caught her attention and as Catherine stepped into the hall, she heard the nurse mutter to herself, "Je fais le mieux que je peux."

Once again, Catherine glanced in the room as she passed and then froze in her tracks. There was something eerily familiar about the man in the bed. _That man looks like Gil._

Taking a second look, her eyes widened. The nurse was heading back to the room and Catherine stopped her. "Excuse me, but… is that Gil Grissom?" she asked the woman.

"Why…yes," the nurse answered. "You know him?"

"Yes, we used to work together and we are friends…but I haven't seen him in over a year."

"Oh my….could you stay here for a few minutes? I know his doctor would like to speak with you."

"Sure," Catherine shrugged. "But what's wrong with him?"

"We don't know. That's why I think the doctor would like a word with you. I'll call him right now." She hurried to the desk and picked up the phone. After a brief conversation, she looked over at Catherine and smiled. "He is on his way…please, if you don't mind waiting," she said as her head nodded in the direction of the waiting room. Catherine shrugged and headed back to the room, feeling very confused.

Jim showed up about five minutes later. He sat next to Catherine and immediately realized that something was very wrong. "Catherine, something happen to Hebert?"

Shaking her head in disbelief. "No, but you'll never guess who is in the room next to him…"

Scrutinizing her, Jim realized that she was distressed. "Ah…probably not."

"Jim…its Gil. Gil is in the next room and they don't know what is wrong with him. His doctor is coming to talk to us."

Eyebrows raised, Jim looked stunned. "Gil? How'd he get here…why didn't Sara tell us?"

"I don't know…I just don't have a clue. She hasn't said much since she came back from Paris last time and he hasn't exactly been a frequent writer."

"Yeah, I think I've had two notes from him since he left," Jim shrugged.

Just then, a doctor appeared in the doorway and made his way towards Catherine. "Excuse me, I'm Dr. Roland Theriot. Mr. Grissom is my patient. I understand you know him?"

"Yes, I'm Catherine Willows" Catherine answered. "And this is Jim Brass. He is Gil's friend also. But we are confused. We haven't heard from him in a couple of months and he was in Paris then. We don't understand how he got here."

"He was referred to me by a colleague in Baton Rouge. Apparently Mr. Grissom was lecturing there…at LSU."

"Lecturing?" Catherine's bewilderment was apparent on her face.

"Well, I need to find his next of kin. He is not doing well and …."

Catherine gasped and Jim blanched. Then clearing his throat, Jim joined the conversation. "Wait…you don't think he's going to make it?"

"It is a strong possibility," the doctor replied. "We are trying to find out what is wrong, but he just doesn't seem to want to live. I can find no reason for him to be unconscious for as much as he is; he doesn't seem to want to wake up. I'll be honest, I'm worried."

"Next of kin?" Catherine asked. "That's Sara …"

"His wife," Jim interjected.

"But she is in Vegas and… I don't know…," Catherine said absently.

The doctor looked disappointed. "No one near here?"

"Well…he has us," said Catherine. "And the rest of our team back in Vegas…"

The doctor frowned. "The team?"

"Yeah, uh…Gil was our supervisor…and friend…and more. Then he left to find Sara. She left a while before…oh, it's a long story but anyway, they ended up in Costa Rica…and then Paris," Catherine told him. "Now, she's in Vegas."

"But you are not his family," stated Dr. Theriot.

"Look, I owe the man my life, he's like a brother to me," said Jim. "Most of our group moved to Vegas alone…no families nearby. So we made one of our own…with each other." Glancing at Catherine, he continued. "We'd do anything for one another…kill for 'em….and, we have. So don't give us the speech about being relatives, Doc, because, it's like this….we _are_ his family."

Dr. Theriot looked at Jim and swallowed. "It's against the rules, but he needs someone with him, needs a reason to fight this…thing. So, I'm going to treat you as his family, letting you visit and consulting about his case. I can inform you of our medical decisions for him, but since you have no legal authority…."

"Yeah, we get it." Jim shifted his weight. "We appreciate you doing that…so can we see him?"

"Yes…but his wife… Sara? Should come. But in the meantime, if you would, talk to him. Hearing familiar voices might help him. Talk to him about shared memories….make his brain engage."

"Yeah, okay…and thanks Doc," Jim finished.

Dr. Theriot nodded and walked away, leaving Jim and Catherine alone, mystified.

* * *

A frequent reader told me that people get tired of writers begging for reviews. But it seems if we writers don't grovel, readers don't push the little button. I'm going to keep it simple and go back to reviews = interest. If you like this story, let me know. No comments = no interest.


	2. Concern

Many, many thanks for the reviews and oh so positive comments. It was never my intention to hold the story hostage to reviews but as any readers who also write know, reviews energize us and keep us motivated. It was my intention to update sooner, but like Grissom I am subject to migraines and I had a doozy this past week. But things are lookin' up and hopefully chapter 3 will follow in a day or two. Meantime, I hope you like...

* * *

Jim was pacing the floor at the foot of Gil's bed while Catherine sat in a chair next to the bed. "Come on, buddy…don't ya remember? That guy was waist deep in concrete and Catherine couldn't keep a straight face for anything. Come on now, fess up…you were about to crack too, weren't you?" For the last hour, Jim had been recalling every humorous circumstance on the cases they'd worked together. Catherine had smiled at first, reliving the memories but as time passed and Gil didn't respond, her mood darkened. Fear had them both on edge. Gil simply would not respond. When the latest memory failed to stir their friend, Jim sighed and collapsed into a chair opposite Catherine's.

Catherine took a deep breath, trying to decide some different stories to recall. "Hey Gil, you remember back when Jim was our boss? Remember how frustrated he'd get when we started talking too much about the science of forensics?" Catherine frowned as she watched the urine bag under his bed begin to fill. She detected blood in it. "Jim," she whispered, "get the nurse."

Jim was out of the door in seconds, heading for the nurse's desk. He and the nurse appeared a couple of minutes later. "What's the problem?" she asked Catherine.

"His urine," Catherine pointed down to the bag. "It has blood in it…and quite a bit if I can see it in the bag. I wouldn't be able to see trace amounts."

The nurse peered down and nodded. "I'll call the doctor," she said and disappeared through the door.

"Blood in his urine can't be good," Jim observed.

"No, I doubt it…but I don't know what would cause it. " Catherine replied. "I'm sure there are any number of reasons for it."

They stood on either side of him, staring at the shadow of the man they had last seen so long ago. Catherine noted that his hair was grayer, almost while. The beard was gone, a victim of the tropical climate probably. The area around his eyes reminded her of his look after Sara left the last time; eyes sunken, deep dark circles, a haunted look. And his skin was pale, too pale for someone who had been spending the better part of the last half year outdoors. He'd lost weight, whether because of the illness or the living conditions in the rainforest, she didn't know. But he'd lost too much, leaving him gaunt.

The lines on Jim's face crinkled as he took in his friend's appearance. Glancing up at Catherine, he commented quietly. "He's having a hell of a time…"

They waited until the doctor showed up about fifteen minutes later. He checked Gil over and then listed some orders to the nurse for more tests. The glancing up at Jim and Catherine, he sighed. "He hasn't waked up, has he?"

"No," frowned Jim. "We've been talking almost the whole time but…no response."

"Well, keep trying please. I really need him to wake up. I need to ask him some questions. If he does come out of it, have the nurse call me immediately."

Both Jim and Catherine nodded as they looked at Gil's face. "Doc, his color seems all wrong," Jim commented.

"Yeah, he has dysentery and his kidneys and liver aren't functioning quite right. If this continues, I'll have to order dialysis, but so far, he's holding steady. I wish his fever would go down but it won't budge…holding at 101."

Catherine moved towards Gil, gripping his arm with her hand. "Oh Gil," she sighed.

The doctor watched, tilting his head curiously. "Anyway, I have a call in to both an urologist and a nephrologist. Both will be by sometime in the next few hours and then we'll consult. Hopefully they will come up with something new."

"Thank you, Doctor," Catherine said quietly, her eyes not leaving Gil's face. "We'll stay with him in the meantime."

They settled into the chairs provided by the hospital and waited, each deep in their own thoughts about how their friend came to this place. Eventually Jim began to doze again, still not caught up on his sleep. Catherine smiled across Gil at the detective just as Detective Trahan poked his head in the room. "Hebert is awake, if you want to talk to him." She stood and moved over to Jim, nudging him awake. "Jim, wake up…Hebert is awake."

Jim yawned and stretched, his hand wiping across his face as he fought off sleep. He looked at Catherine and nodded. "I'll go. You stay here with Gil. I'm sure that if he does wake up, he'd rather see a pretty face rather than my mug."

Catherine grinned. "Thanks Jim. And maybe…you could try Sara again?" They'd each tried to reach her, but were having no luck.

Jim followed Trahan out and Catherine could hear their voices in the next room. But she was concentrating on Gil. He'd been on IV fluids for days and according to the doctor, had not been able to keep anything on his stomach for days before. His body was showing the effects. Not only was his coloring off, he looked emaciated, his face drawn with deep circles under his eyes. The texture of his skin was all wrong and there wasn't the solidness about him that she'd always felt. Many more days of this and he'd become frail indeed. She sighed. "Gil, please…wake up. You've got to wake up." Her voice was quiet but desperate. She was beginning to panic.

Gently, she began to rub her hand over his arm, caressing and massaging as she went. Then she wrapped her fingers between his, rubbing his hand. Her hand trailed back up his arm and she used her thumb to caress his cheek. It startled her when he moaned and twitched, moving his face subtly into her hand. Catherine smiled. "Gil, come on now…wake up."

She watched, hoping she was having an effect but he didn't stir. Seemingly content after settling into her hand, not a single muscle moved. And now her hand was trapped. _Of course, if I move my hand maybe he'll wake up. _So she pulled her hand our from under his cheek, eliciting a soft moan from him but nothing else.

Catherine let out a disappointed sigh. She slid from her chair and walked to the doorway, listening for sounds from the next room. She heard Jim's voice, soft and encouraging. She also picked up Detective Trahan's Cajun accent as he asked a question or two but couldn't hear a response from the man in the bed. Apparently things weren't going well there either.

Moving to the window, she stared out into the Louisiana heat. The sun was bright and if they were in Vegas, she knew she would step out into that kind of light into scorching dry heat. Here, she would step out into heat and sauna-like humidity. Her skin felt damp just thinking about it. She wondered how people here could stand it.

Jim left Hebert's room, dissatisfied with the results. The man had barely been conscious and not really able to follow their questions. Within minutes, he'd fallen back into sleep. Now Jim stood in the doorway to Gil's room, watching Catherine at the window. This was rough on her, he knew; rougher than he thought she was willing to admit. A sad grimace crossed his face as he watched her and understanding filled his heart.

Clearing his throat, he walked in grumbling that Hebert hadn't been awake enough to help. And then turning towards Gil, he asked "any thing here?"

Catherine turned and shook her head negatively as she looked from Jim to Gil. "No," she sighed. "And I'm really getting worried."

"Yeah," Jim said. "Oh, hey…I forgot about Sara. I'll go try her again and be right back. Need anything?"

"No…well, maybe something to drink?"

"Yeah…okay. I'll be back in a few," and he was gone, leaving Catherine alone with Gil again.

Jim wasn't gone long, bringing back a soda for her and his displeasure at not being able to reach Sara. "I called the lab and left a message for her to call me ASAP," he told Catherine. They settled back into their chairs and soon Jim was dozing again.

When he began to snore, Catherine smiled, stood and moved over to him, nudging him awake. "Look, we don't even have a hotel yet. Why don't you see what you can find for us and get us checked in. Get a few hours of real sleep and then you can come relieve me."

Jim opened his mouth to protest but then accepted the logic of her question. He was dead tired and there was no telling how long this vigil would last. She would need a break before long and he'd need to be alert for it. "Yeah, okay. I um…I'll call the nurses desk and tell you where I am," he said.

Catherine smiled weakly. "Okay."

Jim stood and stepped closer to her, swallowing her in a bear hug. "He's gonna be okay. You're here, I'm here, and we're gonna see he gets the care he needs. It'll be okay, you'll see," he told her.

Catherine nodded as she released him. "Yeah," she sighed. "I hope so. I just wish…"

"Wish what?"

"Well, it just seems like Sara should be here with him…"

"Yeah," Jim sighed. "Well, maybe we can get through to her soon."

Catherine nodded. "Yeah…"

Jim gave her arm a squeeze. Call me if you need me." And then he left in search of a bed.

About a half hour later, a nurse came with a message from Jim, complete with a hotel and room number. "Call me fi anything happens," he'd said at the end. Catherine smiled and tucked it into her pocket, hoping he was happily sleeping by now.


	3. Awareness

Catherine ventured down to the gift shop and picked up a couple of magazines and a newspaper. Back in the room, she sat in the chair and began to read some of the articles to him. She knew that something from People magazine or even Popular Science wouldn't grab his interest, but there hadn't been many choices. Finally, she opened the newspaper and found the daily crossword. She read each clue aloud and tried to come up with answers. After a few frustrating minutes of guessing and then erasing her answers she sighed and threw it down. "How'd you do these things anyway?" she asked in frustration.

Her frustration must have seeped through his fog because he stirred a little. "Gil?" she said as she stood up, instantly beside him. "Wake up Gil!"

His breathing changed and his eyelids began to blink. Then suddenly they fluttered open before closing again. He heaved a deep sigh. And then, barley audible, she heard him whisper, "Catherine?"

"Yeah Bugman, it's me. You've been asleep awhile. It's time to wake up."

"A case?" he muttered.

"Yeah, yours," she said softly.

Even with his eyes closed, confusion was clearly written on his face. "Mine?" He sounded a little more awake.

"Yeah…wake up and I'll tell you about it." It took a couple more minutes but his blue eyes popped open, searching for her. She was distressed to see that his eyes didn't have their usual vibrancy, the blue dull and pale, not at all what she was used to from him.

"Where am I?" he croaked.

"Ochsner's Hospital in New Orleans," she told him. "Hang on a minute. I'm supposed to call for your doctor when you wake up…" She pushed a button on his bed, calling for a nurse. A voice came over the intercom asking what they needed. "His doctor wants to know when he's awake. Well, he's awake," she announced happily.

Gil watched her, confusion still on his face. "There," she declared. "Now we can talk."

A small smirk worked at the corner of his mouth but it was a weak effort that died quickly. "How did I get here?" he croaked.

She explained what she knew, that he'd been at LSU and then brought here with some mysterious illness. "Dr. Theriot has questions he needs to ask you. Maybe then he can come up with a cure."

Gil nodded, closing his eyes. "Oh no, you don't. You can't go back to sleep just yet," she chided. His eyes opened again, focusing on her. "Gil, we've been trying to call Sara" She immediately regretted the question as pain shot over his countenance. He whispered. "I think…we're over," he added gloomily.

"Oh Gil…" she sighed, her hand resting on his shoulder. "I thought…well, you seemed so committed to making it work…"

He nodded, not really answering. She watched as he seemed to shrink into himself. Just then, Dr. Theriot appeared in the doorway. "So you're awake," he smiled. Moving closer to the bed, he introduced himself. "And now, I'm going to chase your friend away while I ask you some questions and check you out." Turning to Catherine, "I'll let you back in as soon as we are finished."

Catherine nodded and stepped out of the room. Jim was walking down the hall. "Hey," she called to him softly. He grinned as he approached. "Trahan called me. Hebert is coming out of it again. How's Gil?"

"He just woke up. Dr. Theriot is in there with him now," she said glancing over her shoulder. Jim nodded. "I'll go see about Hebert and be back in a few…"

Catherine nodded and turned her attention back to Gil's door. After what seemed like an eternity she stepped closer but then decided to walk down the hall instead. She needed to move around and the doctor had made it clear that she wasn't welcome in the room just now. She made it to the end of the hall and turned back.

Glancing into the room next to Gil's she saw that Jim was frustrated with Hebert. She decided to go in and try to help but as she stepped into the room, he coded. The detectives were ushered out as nurses and doctors swarmed to his aid. Finally, a young doctor came out and spoke with Detective Trahan. "I'm sorry, but he's gone." Trahan thanked him and shrugged at Jim. "I guess it's a dead end then. I'll keep digging and keep you in the loop if anything comes up."

"Yeah, I'd appreciate it," Jim said. "And thanks for all your help."

"You need a ride?" Trahan asked.

Jim and Catherine glanced at each other. "No thanks," Jim said. "We'll stick around to see how our friend in there is…"

As they stood in the hallway, Jim glanced at Gil's door. "Did he say anything…you know, like what's going on with Sara?"

"He thinks they're over," she said sadly. "That's about all."

"You know, call me a cynic…because I am…I was uneasy about them at first but I really thought those two…"

"Yeah…" agreed Catherine.

Jim's head cocked sideways a bit. "I'll track her down. You know, let her in on his condition. Maybe she'd come…"

"To what end, Jim? If they really are over, she might come but then she'd just leave him…again. I don't think he can take that too many more times, do you?"

"No," he nodded. "Last time was pretty grim…no, you're right." And then he had another thought. "I could call her, tell her about him and tell her not to come unless it is to stay with him…no more hit and runs…"

"Maybe. Let's see what the doctor says…"

A few minutes later, Dr. Theriot walked out of his room. "He's still awake, although not very responsive. I think I have some of the answers I was looking for. Some more blood tests and a urine sample should tell me if I'm on the right track…"

Catherine smiled. "You have a track? That's progress, isn't it Doctor?"

"If I'm close. But if it is a dead end, then we're back to square one…We'll wait for the test results. It should only be a few hours."

Jim was bouncing on his toes, his nervous energy finding an outlet. Finally, he looked at his watch and then looked at Catherine. "I'm going to try to find her and call her. She should know," he said to Catherine.

She knew it would be useless to try to stop him and maybe…well, maybe he was right. If it really was over between Gil and Sara, this would prove it. If she came, then maybe there was still a chance. And right now, Gil needed hope.

Catherine eased back into Gil's room, unsure if she would find him awake or asleep. His expression took her breath away; it was the look…that look, the one that he had given her so many times over the years when she entered his office, the one of quiet expectation, as if he were waiting for something. She assumed it was Sara he was waiting for. "Sorry, just me," she smiled. The corners of his mouth turned slightly, almost a smile. But his eyes lit. "Just you is good," he croaked.

Catherine glanced at the cup of water that was on his table; it looked more the size of a jug and she doubted he could handle it. "You thirsty? Or is there something I can get you?"

"A sip of water would be nice," he said, glancing at the jug. She helped him with it, careful not to let it drip and then set the jug back on the table. "I don't know why they give patients such large cups. If you're weak, there's no way you can handle it," she said in frustration. His face acknowledged her frustration and quietly he agreed with her. Then looking around, he croaked again. "…thought I heard Jim…"

"Yeah, he's um, finishing some of the details on our case…you know, the one that brought us here. The guy just died in the next room."

Gil's face clouded. "You'll go back, then…"

"Jim might. I'm staying 'til I know you are okay. I can't leave you here alone like this. We have too many years of covering each other's back for that…"

His eyes locked onto hers. "I think I made a mistake," he said softly.

"Mistake…what kind of mistake?"

He blinked and then looked away. "Nothing…it's too late anyway…"

She recognized his behavior. Sometimes he just didn't want to talk about things and to try and force it from him was useless. Tactics that worked on everyone else she had ever met just wouldn't work with him. So she let it drop. He'd clarify when he was ready…or maybe never.

"The doctor says some of your answers maybe gave him something to work with. He's running some tests and then maybe he'll have a cure for whatever it is you have," she said hopefully.

His eyes travelled back to her, staring intently. "He can cure…a broken heart?"

"Oh Gil…you don't know that it's over. Not unless she said so, did she?"

"No…but…it is."

"I can't believe that. As long as she waited for you…as much as you mean to her and then you finally realized how much she meant to you…"

"She left before…"

"She left Vegas…not you."

"Yeah, me too. She couldn't trust me to understand and then she couldn't wait until I could sort things out, grieve Warrick and get the lab settled. She just had to go…with or without me. She…moved on. Cath, she became me…all about the science. In Costa Rica, we…were together but…the science came first. I think…she was bored when I accepted the invitation to speak in Paris." So much talking was taking a toll, Catherine could tell. "Well, I dunno, but for now, I do know you need to rest some."

Panic enveloped his face. "You…you're not leaving?"

"No…I'm here. Like I said…'til I know you are okay."

He relaxed, his eyes revealing his relief. "Thank you." He seemed to shrink into the pillow. "She…she went back…to Vegas. She couldn't stay when I was there…and then she went back…back to the job, back to the city…I …I don't know what to do with that."

She covered his hand with hers. "For now, you do nothing but rest and get well."

"You'll be here…when I wake up?"

Always…like I said, I've got your back"

Gil smiled gently as his eyes closed.

* * *

I hope you are still enjoying. As always, I'd love to know what you are thinking?


	4. Wiggle Worms

Dr. Theriot came back a few hours later, smiling. "I think we have it. The lab results confirmed what I was considering and I checked with a colleague just to be sure."

"That's good," Jim said from his chair in the corner. "Isn't it?"

Gil's eyes fluttered open and focused first on Catherine but shifted to the doctor, looking expectantly. The Doctor smiled. "Yes, it is. Mr. Grissom, you have an infection, Schistosomiasis, which is caused by Schistosoma mansoni, digenetic blood trematodes found in South America. We'll give you a two day course of Praziquantel for treatment and keep you here another day or two and then you'll be able to leave."

Gil closed his eyes and relaxed his head back into his pillow. "Flukes," he said passively. Dr. Theriot chuckled. "Yes, flukes."

Catherine looked from one man to the other, feeling lost. Jim grunted. "Flukes?"

"Kind of like little worms," the doctor explained. "They are parasites that swim in contaminated freshwater in which certain types of snails are living. The parasite leaves the snail and can survive in the water for about 48 hours. Schistosoma parasites burrow into the skin of people who are in the contaminated water. Worms grow inside the blood vessels, lungs and liver of the human host and produce eggs. Some of these eggs travel to the bladder or intestines and are passed into the urine or stool. They can infect other organs as well. We aren't bothered by them in this country but are found in other parts of the world, including Costa Rica. That's why I was having such a tough time figuring it out. I had no idea Mr. Grissom had been in South America until you two showed up and I had a chance to get some background. Talking with Mr. Grissom gave me more insight and it was a matter of running some more tests after that." The doctor smiled and looked from one face to another. "Any more questions?"

"I don't think so…not now anyway," Gil said quietly.

"Well, the nurse will be in soon with the meds and I will be back later. We'll check your blood and urine periodically to watch your progress, but now that we know what it is, things are looking much better." With another smile, he turned and walked out.

"Worms," Jim all but belched out.

"Well, parasites…they are bugs kind of, aren't they? Trust the Bugman to get infected by something like that," Catherine said lightly. Jim snorted, the irony resonating in the sound. Gil rolled his eyes half heartedly and then closed them. Tiredness seemed to seep from his pores and Catherine realized how exhausted he must be. Glancing at Jim, she saw that he realized it too.

"Look, we're going to get something to eat and let you get some sleep," she said to Gil.

His eyes blinked open and focused on her, panic filling them. "You said…"

"I'm not leaving, Gil…just getting a bite to eat. I'll be back before long. But you need to rest and I need to eat. So does Jim. We'll work out a schedule where he and I switch off until you're out of here. We won't leave you alone for long, okay?"

He relaxed a little, resignation showing in his face. Then he nodded sadly, accepting her declaration. "Okay then, we'll be back in a little while." She and Jim left. But she could feel his eyes on her as she walked out the door.

"You want to eat hospital food or should we go someplace?" Jim asked as they walked towards the elevators.

Catherine sighed. "Let's get out of here for a little while. I need a break."

"Yeah, me too," Jim agreed eyeing her warily.

They found a little café down the street and once they were settled at a table and their order taken, Jim shifted in his chair. "So, how long you planning to stay and do the bedside thing?"

"The doctor said he'd be out in a couple of days."

"Yeah, but by the looks of things, he won't be ready to fend for himself."

Catherine grimaced. "I wish Sara would call back."

"Yeah, I've left her a couple of messages…nothing in return. But, let me try again." Jim pulled out his phone and began dialing. Catherine watched as he listened to the ring tones, both hoping Sara would pick up. But she didn't. Jim left another message and told her to call him ASAP.

Once the phone was back in his pocket, he looked across the table at Catherine. "You think she's avoiding us…that she doesn't want any part of this?"

"Possible, I suppose," Catherine shrugged. "But the way she talked…I thought they were happy."

"Yeah," Jim sighed. "You just never know what's going on, do you?"

She smiled at him. "Well, with some people, you don't."

Jim returned her smile, his eyes twinkling. "They still haven't caught onto us, have they?"

Catherine chuckled. "Sara thinks I'm seeing Tony Vartann."

"You're kidding?" Jim grinned. "Well, I guess I can see where…"

"No. He might have been my type once, but now I want someone I can count on… Someone like you." Her eyes were bright, alight with mischief.

His eyes danced, answering hers Jim snorted. "Somebody you can count on? You obviously never talked to my ex."

"I can form my own opinions, thank you," Catherine said saucily.

Jim smiled and then it faded as he looked directly at her. "You're still in love with him, aren't you?"

Catherine's mouth fell open. "In love with…who?" Her expression was incredulous.

"Gil," Jim said matter-of-factly.

"Uh…he…he and Sara are…"

"Married. I know. But that doesn't change how you feel…have felt for years." Jim paused and looked at her, his blue eyes full of understanding. "Look, it's okay. I knew about your feelings for him when we started dating."

"But…you asked me out anyway? I don't understand…"

"Gil had left. I figured…why not? I'd wanted to ask you out for a long time but I knew how you felt about him, so I didn't. But after he left…And now that there's a chance…I mean, if Sara ..well…what I'm trying to say is that I understand. If you need to see where it might go with him…go for it."

Jim's smile didn't quite reach his eyes but Catherine could see that he was sincere in his desire for her to be happy. "Jim, I don't know what to say… You're being very…"

"Realistic," he finished for her. "As long as he's dangling out there, I don't stand a chance…not really. So, go…see where it goes and if it doesn't work out then I'm still here."

Catherine shook her head. "But that makes you seem like second best and that's not fair. Any woman would be lucky to have you."

"Then, I guess you're lucky 'cause you have me. But I've been around enough to know it won't work out if Gil's still in your system. So, do me a favor and go find out."

Catherine absorbed his words thoughtfully. "How did you know?" She asked finally.

"It's what I do…I _am_ a detective, you know," he said light heartedly. "You two circled each other for years and you were always so in tune... things like knowing about his hearing when no one else did or…he was losing weight because he had a girlfriend…and of course, keeping the picture of the two of you in your office was a dead give away."

Nodding, Catherine smiled. "That obvious, huh?"

"'Fraid so…"

"What if I don't want to … find out?"

Jim shrugged. "It's your call, but I don't think you'll be happy until you do. I haven't felt it yet, but after knowing about him and Sara, I have a feeling there would be three in our bed and I don't share well. I'd rather do it this way than have everything blow up later."

"Jim, I…" Catherine started to speak as tenderness melted into her features. "…you're an amazing man."

"Yeah, well…just remember that and come back to me when you discover that Gil has clay feet."

Catherine chuckled. "That confident, are you?"

"No, I'm not. But…every one has an Achilles heel. Can't blame me for hoping that Gil's is…intolerable."

"And what will you do while I'm finding his clay feet?"

"For the next few days, I'm here with you. But at least one of us needs to go back to Vegas soon. Since you're the one who has a dilemma to solve, I'll go back and leave you to… figure things out."

Catherine's hand reached across the table and claimed his. "Thank you, Jim. You're…a good man…a better man than I deserve."

Jim guffawed. "You deserve happiness, Catherine. That's all I want for you. Now, shouldn't we get back to the patient?"

Catherine walked out with the detective, a little in awe of his understanding.

Jim sat with Gil awhile longer and then headed back to their hotel. Catherine stayed to watch over their friend through the night. Back in the hotel room, Jim dialed Sara's number again. Finally, she answered.

"Sidle," she said giving Jim the impression that she had answered automatically without checking caller ID. Lucky for him…

"Sara, it's me."

"Oh, hey Jim." Her tone was flat.

"Look, I'm here in New Orleans…on the Richard case, you know. And well, Gil is here too…in the hospital." The silence on the other end was so long that Jim thought he'd lost the signal. "You there?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm here. I…um…I'm processing some evidence…so why is Gil in the hospital?"

"He has worms or something….apparently picked it up in Costa Rica. Anyway, he's in bad shape, Sara. The doctor says you should come."

"He's…it's bad?" her voice was timid.

"It is, Sara. He was out of it for several days. Catherine and I kept talking to him until finally he woke up. The doc was able to get some information out of him that helps with the treatment, but…he's in bad shape."

"But you and Catherine are with him?"

"Well, yeah. But he is your husband." Jim was losing patience with her attitude.

"I'm in the middle of a case, Jim. And I have taken so much time off to visit him in Paris anyway…"

Jim wanted to yell at her but kept his cool. "But he is your husband and he needs you. I'm sure someone can take over the case for you."

"Well, okay. I'll see… look, I gotta go. I'll um…call you later." And her end went dead.

Jim stared at his phone, shocked by her apparent lack of concern. A frown formed on his brow as he considered what it could mean. Maybe Gil was right, maybe it was over. Those two had never been quite in sync. He sighed. "Well, there go any chances I ever had…" he said softly to the empty room.


	5. Contemplation

Sara stared at the phone as the call ended. Jim sounded worried…and angry, at her. But then, why not? If Gil was awake and talking, then they knew…knew how she had run away again. But Gil didn't talk easily, she reasoned. Maybe he hadn't said anything. Maybe they still believed everything was okay. But Jim's voice sounded…irritated. Maybe he was just annoyed that she hadn't returned his calls? No, she thought. It was more…he knew.

Even if Gil hadn't said anything, somehow Jim knew. He was good at that. He'd ferreted out the truth of their relationship long before anyone else had a clue. Those same instincts were at work now, she realized.

He'd said Gil was in bad shape…worms? Had he picked up a parasite? She went to her laptop and opened a search for parasites in Costa Rica. That was the most likely place for Gil to have picked one up. They'd tried to be careful, but…

Her eyes scanned the web pages listed in her search. Settling on one, she opened the page and began to read. One search led to another and then another, until she thought she knew what had happened…

_It was a Sunday. They had declared Sundays as time off…no work. Everyone in camp had agreed, all of them needing time to relax, catch up on sleep, write letters…or in their case, simply spend time together free of responsibility._

_They were walking along a path that led to a small waterfall and pool of water with a small stream draining the water away. His fingers tickled hers as he took her hand, both content to simply be alone with each other. As she glanced up at his face, he was wearing the smile that she was feeling. He had come for her, left his job, left Vegas, and come for her. Finally, she believed him when he said he loved her. Finally, she was important to someone, important enough to be first in their life. She'd never been happier._

_They came to the end of the path and stood, watching the waterfall. "It's beautiful," she said quietly. "Not as beautiful as you," he whispered. He bent to kiss her but a sudden impulse overtook her and laughing, she pushed him into the water. His foot caught on a fallen tree branch as he fell, cutting a gash on his calf as he went over. She'd been too busy laughing at his look of surprise to notice it immediately. It was only after he climbed out, dripping wet and laughing as well that she noticed the blood. He'd brushed it off as nothing and promptly gathered her to him for the kiss he had intended._

Sara flinched inwardly as she realized that she was probably responsible for his current state. But that day and now the memory of it were special. They'd made love there, in that place, on that day and it had been the happiest day of her life. And now it was possibly killing him.

She sighed deeply. Why had it gone bad? Everything had been great until they left the jungle. They had travelled for a few months after and she'd been happy. But when they moved to Paris, something changed. She wasn't the center of his day anymore and she felt him slipping away as he got involved in his lectures and students. And while he was involved with all of that, she had nothing. She was at a loss for some direction in her life. His position was temporary, so she hesitated to look for a job. She didn't want to become too invested in something she would regret leaving. She didn't speak French very well, so venturing beyond the usual tourist places usually ended in frustration. And she was lonely.

Sitting at her desk, Sara reflected on that last thought. Why was she lonely? She had always been on her own, few friends, and essentially no family. Having Gil in her life had been new territory, after he committed to being in her life. And initially she had embraced it, along with him. But Natalie Davis had changed everything, bringing up ghosts from the past that she had thought were buried.

She'd thought getting away and finally dealing with them would help. And it did; except that she'd missed Gil every minute of every day. Their long distance relationship had sustained her and when she returned to Las Vegas for Warrick's funeral, she'd thought maybe they could try to pick things up again.

But an old case came back to haunt her and when she tried to talk to Gil about Tom's actions, she'd realized how deeply her departure had hurt him…how big a wedge she had driven between them. He'd been so understanding, so supportive, and so _there_ for her but through it all he'd been heart broken.

Sara remembered their conversations on that visit. He was so depressed, disconsolate and broken. Part of it was because of Warrick and part was because of her, she'd realized. And so she'd decided to let him go. Hadn't that been what he was trying to say in his office? He needed her to let him go? But that wasn't exactly what he'd said either.

Later, in Costa Rica, he'd explained things better. Her actions had confused him. And frightened him. He'd never been so invested in someone before and it shook him when she left, especially the way she left. And when she left the second time, thinking she was giving him what he wanted, he'd been devastated.

The lab was too short handed, he'd explained. He wanted to go with her, to get away, even if just for a vacation. But he couldn't. He'd spent over twenty years of his life building up the lab, finding and hiring good people, and while he had no doubt they would do fine without him, they didn't have enough people. They needed more bodies; it was that simple. He couldn't leave until they'd hired one or two to fill the vacancies. He owed it to them and to Warrick. After all, those were Warrick's friends too.

Besides he was just too emotional to think, he'd told her. He wanted to go, but he was afraid to make any drastic changes in his life until he could think it through. He'd confessed that he should have explained all of this to her then. But, he'd regressed to his old ways, keeping everything bottled up inside. He'd asked her forgiveness and promised to be more open. And he had been, discussing everything with her, almost in a child-like way, eager to share.

But it hadn't been enough when she didn't have anything in her life but waiting for him. _Odd, _she thought_, role reversal … all that time he was waiting on me to figure things out and then I didn't wait for him to do the same. And then…I couldn't even wait for him to come home each day. He wasn't gone all day…not like when we were at the lab…_

"Ecklie's going to kill me," she said to the walls. Then picking up her phone, she dialed his number…

Back in New Orleans, Catherine sat with Gil, reading the magazines to him again now that he was awake to hear. She tried to get his help on the Crossword but he seemed disinterested. Finally, he looked at her. "Sara's not coming, is she?"

Catherine slid her glassed from her face and looked at him sadly. "We haven't been able to get in touch with her. Jim's still trying. You have a better idea of what she'll do than I do though."

Gil swallowed. "I thought…in Costa Rica, everything was…perfect. And then we travelled for a few months. And everything was idyllic. But something changed in Paris. Something in her, I mean."

"You said she became you…so into the science and the job."

"She did. But…I understood. And all I really needed was to be included … and I was. And while we travelled, we were so focused on each other… but in Paris…" His eyebrows knitted as he contemplated what might have changed or more importantly, why.

Watching his face, Catherine took a deep breath. He was as lost as he had been before he left to find Sara in the first place. "Maybe….maybe it was…I mean, in Paris, you had something to focus on besides her…maybe she missed being the center…"

"But…I spent most of my time with her. I had to do _something_, needed the income…"

"Sara's never had anyone… an anchor in her life until you, has she?"

Gil looked up, somewhat surprised. "You knew?"

"I knew something wasn't…right. I don't know the whole story but I gather her childhood was…rough. And she always seemed to hold people off a little…except you. I could see it from when she first came to Vegas…you were different for her. She was totally focused on you."

"Yeah. And I…held her at arms length for years. But I realized it was destroying her and honestly, I needed someone in my life too. And we…were good together until…"

"Natalie."

"Yeah."

Catherine contemplated what she would or should say next. Finally, she covered his hand with hers. "You could have had someone all along, you know…"

He looked up at her, startled. "I never seemed to be able to make it work with anyone I went out with…always the job or just my…insecurities, got in the way."

"What about someone you never went out with?"

Gil frowned. "I'm missing something…are you saying…I thought you…" he shrugged. "I never thought I was…your type."

Catherine smiled faintly. "I'm not sure what you mean by _my type_, but none of the guys I dated after breaking up with Eddie worked out because they couldn't measure up…to you."

"But … you always got so angry with me…"

Catherine chuckled. "I didn't say you were easy. But… a lot of the frustration was because we never could move off the _just friends_ button." His mouth gaped as he looked at her. Clearly his mind was reeling and he was at a loss for words. "But, you were always more than _just friends_…"

"Yeah, but sister wasn't what I had in mind either," she smiled. "But it's okay. You found happiness with Sara and I was happy for you. I want you to be happy Gil. If Sara is what makes you happy, then I'm fine." Jim's same words to her echoed in her mind as she watched Gil absorb everything.

A few hours later, Jim came back to the room looking rested but anxious. A few minutes later a nurse came in and asked them to leave for a few minutes while they took changed Gil's sheets. Stepping into the hall, Catherine looked at Jim. "Okay, give Jim…what's got you so nervous?"

"Not nervous…just agitated. I finally got Sara."

"And?"

"I wouldn't count on her showing up. She seemed totally uninterested."

Catherine sighed. "Damn," she muttered under her breath.

Jim's eyebrow hitched up. "Disappointed?"

"They need to talk…to decide…something. This isn't good for either of them."

Jim shrugged. "Well, I don't see it happening anytime soon; not if her attitude on the phone was any indication."

* * *

Okay, hopefully I'm not making Sara sound too bad; it certainly isn't my intention. I do appreciate all the comments on the last chapter. Looking down, I see the little button. I hope you will use it and let me know what you think. Often, comments are made in the reviews that inspire me in different directions. You readers are very smart people and come up with things I would have never thought of, lol.


	6. Conflict

The next afternoon Jim was sitting with Gil while Catherine went to the hotel for a shower and change of clothes. Gil had stayed awake long enough to manage a few bites of lunch and even watched a little of a Discovery Channel documentary. Jim watched his friend as he focused on the tv and thought maybe Gil was looking a little better. His fever was going down and even though he wasn't eating much, he was at least holding things down. That had to be an improvement. But Gil was still tired and slipped into sleep before the show was even half over. Jim settled into the chair, trying to get comfortable until Gil woke again and drifted into his own lethargy.

One of the nurses came in to change Gil's IV bag and tripped over Jim's feet, stretched out into the middle of the space between his chair and the bed. The commotion brought Jim out of his daze and he straightened up in his chair, a little groggy and dazed. The woman was petite with dark features, her eyes flashing annoyance at Jim. He grinned cheekily at her as he apologized for being in her way. Her olive complexion blushed slightly as her eyes perused him.

Her appraisal made Jim aware of his crumpled look, his shirt wrinkled and his five o'clock shadow making him look scruffy. But her look tweaked his ego. She was attractive, younger but not so much that it seemed inappropriate. And judging by her expression, she liked what she saw. Glancing at the ID badge dangling from her neck, he saw that her name was Celeste Landry. "I'm very sorry, Celeste," he said flirtatiously.

In the bed, Gil opened one eye slightly, amused by his friend's situation. Jim didn't flirt normally but the few times Gil had witnessed his friend doing it, he'd learned a few things. Right now, even in his unkempt state, Jim had this woman looking twice. It amused Gil to watch.

Celeste grinned at the detective, her eyes lighting as he used her name. "I'm okay." Her smile was warm and gentle, as was her voice, which had traces of a Cajun accent. "I um…don't know your name … are you related to Mr. Grissom?"

"A friend. We used to work together in Vegas," Jim answered.

"You are a professor?"

"Uh, no," Jim chuckled. "A cop. Gil used to be with the Crime Lab. We worked cases together. He was the brains of the operation." Jim gave her his best humble look.

Celeste almost giggled. "Oh I think you are probably too modest…"

"He is," Gil managed to say loudly enough to be heard. "Don't let him fool you. Jim's one of LVPD's best."

Celeste glanced briefly at Gil before turning her attention back to Jim, her eyes dancing. "I bet he is," she said as her eyes swept over him again with approval obviously not speaking to his police capabilities.

"Did I miss something," Catherine asked from the doorway as she took in the scene. Jim shuffled in his chair, straightening up further and clearing his throat. Celeste turned her attention from Jim to Catherine and smiled. "Just changing the IV bag," she said and then left.

Catherine eyed Jim quizzically. Gil didn't miss the expressions the two exchanged and understood that there was an undercurrent that he didn't quite grasp. But something was going on.

"Feeling better," Jim asked Catherine, unabashed.

"Uh, yeah… amazing what a shower will do for you," she replied as she studied Jim further.

"Okay, well…I think I'll follow your example, if you're here for awhile?"

"Yeah, I am.

"Okay…well, I'll see you later Gil." Jim's attention was on his friend as he spoke. Then turning to Catherine, his voice changed into something more gentle, with a subtleness few would accuse him of. "And you too," he said meaningfully with a wink. Catherine acknowledged him with a smile and watched him as he left.

"What's going on between you?" Gil asked as soon as Jim was out the door.

"Um…what?" Catherine said as she turned back to the patient.

"You and Jim…something's going on."

Catherine blinked. "We um….we've dated…some." She didn't want to tell him how far things had gotten because Gil would never open up to the idea of anything between him and Catherine if he thought there was something serious between her and Jim.

"More than some…you weren't happy with the flirting."

Gil might be really sick but his powers of observation aren't suffering, Catherine thought.

An hour later, a different nurse came in with an aide in tow. "We need to take care of some of Mr. Grissom's personal needs," she explained. "You can come back in about an hour. We should be finished by then."

Catherine took the not so subtle hint. "Actually, I think I'll see if Jim is ready to grab a bite to eat. We'll both be back in a couple of hours." Gil nodded as he wondered what her true motivation for finding Jim was.

At the hotel, Jim had finished his shower. He picked a fresh shirt and slacks as he heard a key in the door to the adjoining room, Catherine's room. He peeked through the open adjoining door to see her walk in and toss her things on the bed. Turning toward the adjoining door, she smiled at Jim, who was standing in the doorway in his trousers and undershirt.

"That style of shirt was made for you," she teased as she took in the A shirt's fit on his torso and the dark hairs that peeked over the top.

Jim smirked. "Nothing you haven't seen before."

"True," she said as her eyes sparkled. "But it's a view I always enjoy."

He stepped towards her, wanting to forget his proposal to leave her to explore possibilities with Grissom. Her expression changed as he neared. "I'm mad at you," she said with a pout.

"For what?"

"You were flirting with that nurse…"

"Actually, she was flirting with me…and since I'm giving you the freedom to pursue Gil, I don't see why I can't have a little fun too."

"You're right," she sighed. "But…it that doesn't mean I like it…especially in front of me."

Jim's temper flared. "Look, I'm stepping aside here, putting my own feelings on hold while you chase a dream. You don't get to tell me…"

His anger set her off. "What? I'm not telling you anything. It was just incredibly insensitive for you to do that in front of me," she threw at him.

Jim stepped closer as he spoke. "Like I said, she was flirting with me. I can't help what other women do. And I didn't even know you were there. It's not like many women flirt with me anymore anyway…and with you focused on Gil and all…" he said as he grabbed her arms.

Catherine instinctively stepped back in the face of his anger. "You didn't have to flirt back…lead her on. For all I know, you've arranged a meeting later."

"What, you jealous?" He snarled as he backed her to the wall.

Catherine felt the wall behind her and knew he had her cornered, in more ways than one. "Yeah, I was…am," she admitted.

Jim's dark blue eyes bored into her and she wasn't at all sure what his next move would be. She was completely surprised, however, when he leaned forward and kissed her. It wasn't a gentle kiss, not at all like the tenderness Jim usually showed her. This kiss was brutal, possessive, and feral.

She resisted at first but then opened herself to him, reveling in the raw emotion that he was exhibiting. His pressure lessened as she began to respond. Her hands went to his shoulders and then his hair, her right hand pushing his head to her, intensifying the kiss. She wasn't sure where the moan came from that was between them but she suspected it was hers. She knew her heart was beating furiously and knew his must be too. And then he released her…a little.

She stared into his eyes, so dark and intense…and beautiful. In them, she saw his conflict. He cared for her, deeply. And at the moment, he wanted her desperately. But he had given her the freedom to explore other possibilities and he wasn't going to take it back. She watched as he backed himself down and she decided not to let him.

"Jim," she whispered as her hand pulled him toward her. Her lips captured his and then she began to nibble. "I…need you," she whispered into his mouth, the heat still between them.

His grunt hinted at his conflict as he pulled her to him again. Instantly he was lowering her to the bed, his lips possessing her as they moved over her face and down her neck. "Catherine," he whispered, "are you sure?"

Her answer was to pull him to her, her hand snaking its way down his body and claiming his manhood, eliciting a hiss from him. Clothes flew through the air as they divested them. And then he was inside her. It felt so familiar to her, making love with Jim. Having him buried deep within felt so right, so fulfilling, so exhilarating. It wasn't their first time; but it was the first like this, so full of need…and fear. The reality was this might be the last time between them and they both knew it. The intensity of their emotions sent them over the edge rapidly, explosively.

Jim settled on the bed next to her, pulling her to him, as if he was afraid to release her. "God, I love you so much," he whispered. As she listened to his heartbeat, she felt his sorrow. And she wondered why she was letting him go. Was she crazy? This wonderful man cared for her, loved her even. He was so solid and knew her, understood her in ways that Gil never would. And she had similar feelings for him. Years of knowing one another had forged strong bonds and months of knowing one another intimately had only strengthened their feelings. Why was she risking what she had with him to chase a dream, as he'd called it? Why couldn't she be satisfied with loving him? _Because you've spent almost half your life chasing that dream and finally it might be within reach, _she told herself_. But still…if you do catch it, will it be as sweet as this?_ Her confusion angered her.

"We probably should get back to the hospital," he finally said softly.

Catherine rolled over to look at him in the face. "Are you sure, Jim?"

"About the hospital?" he asked, clearly confused by her question.

"About…going back to Vegas and leaving me to…"

"I'm sure. I don't like it but…I'm sure. It'll always be between us if I don't. And after talking to Sara…I know you would always wonder what if... especially after I talked with Sara."

Catherine sat up, angry. "What's wrong with her?"

Jim couldn't answer her; his eyes were firmly fixed on her breasts, resting just inches from him, nipples still flushed and taut. His head began to spin and he sucked in a deep breath. "I need another shower," he said when he could speak. Then he scooted out of the bed and headed for his bathroom, his heart breaking as he went.

Catherine watched him as he moved through the adjoining door. She smiled as his ass disappeared through the doorway. "What are you doing, girl?" Then shrugging, she gathered a change of under clothes and headed for her own shower, uncertainty washing over her with the water.

Gil sensed the uneasiness between them when they returned. Something had happened, he realized, but he couldn't fathom what. Both tried to put up a happy front, but sadness was just below the surface and they hardly glanced in each other's was still too tired to deal with their emotions and drifted off, dreaming dreams of his own discord with Sara.

While Gil slept, Jim disappeared. Watching Catherine watch Gil was getting to him and he needed a break. Besides, their official mission in New Orleans was over and Ecklie had already called to ask when they would be back. Standing outside the hospital, he was on the phone making plans to return to Vegas. A seat was booked on a flight later that night and he called Ecklie to tell him that he'd be in the office the next morning.

Then he tried Sara again to see what she had decided. Her phone was off, so he left a message and then sighing, re-entered the hospital and headed back to Gil's room. The elevator ride up was filled with memories of moments with Catherine. He loved her, he knew…had for a long time. But he felt his opportunity with her slipping away and there was nothing he could do but let her go. She had loved Gil for a long time too. His heart was breaking but slowly he was accepting the inevitable. But he also knew that if he stayed, it would eat him up and he'd lose two of his best friends along with his lover. No, he mused, better to leave and let them sort it out. Then maybe they could pick up the pieces of friendship back in Vegas.

* * *

This story started out in one direction, one I had considered for some time. But darn it, the story is taking a different direction. It is funny how these things start writing themselves sometimes. So at this point, I'm not sure where this is going. But I'm having fun with it; hope you are too. Guess will have to see how this unfolds, lol.


	7. Questions

Catherine hated watching Jim leave. There was a sadness between them, a sense of loss. She knew he loved her and, truth be told, she loved him as well. It was just a question of who she loved more and with whom she could find happiness. Jim's understanding amazed her and his ability to put her first was even more wondrous. She wasn't sure she would be as selfless if the roles were reversed. But the pained look in his eyes as he awkwardly said good-bye haunted her and would for a long time, she knew.

Gil watched the parting, sensed the words that were left unsaid, and wondered why Jim was walking away. He knew there were strong feelings between the two. He didn't know that he was the center of the problem. He wanted to tell her to go with Jim but he was afraid to be alone. He'd spent most of his life alone; he didn't want to die that way.

Catherine was quiet for the hours that followed Jim's departure. Gil dozed off and on through the night and early morning. Finally, he told Catherine to go to the hotel and get some sleep. She looked distant and miserable. Wearily, she agreed and told him she'd see him later that morning, planting a sisterly kiss on his cheek before leaving.

The adjoining door to Jim's room was closed and locked when she got to the hotel. _Not surprising _she thought_, they want to rent the room to someone else. _Still, it seemed like a door had been closed in her life. Her hand went to the door as the memory of his backside disappearing through it the last time they had been there together flashed trough her mind.

At the hospital, the nurse's aide had just finished cleaning Gil up and was putting away the tub and towels when there was a knock at his door. She glanced at the exhausted patient, who nodded at her sleepily. "Come in," she called.

Gil's eyes widened as he saw who walked in. He was expecting Catherine and was surprised when Sara appeared before him. A concerned smile was on her face as she looked at him. "Hey," she said softly.

"Hey," he said uncomfortably, unsure of what her presence meant.

The nurse picked up on his uneasiness and glanced at this new woman. "He's really tired so unless you are family…"

"Oh, I'm …" Sara started.

"…my wife," Gil said weakly from his bed.

The nurse looked from one to the other and nodded, slipping quietly from the room.

Sara inched towards him. "Jim said you were having a difficult time. He um…wasn't exaggerating."

"Feel…terrible, but better." Gil managed, his blue eyes settling on her tiredly.

"Looks like you were about to take a nap. Get some sleep. I'll be here when you wake up."

"Hmmm…" he nodded in agreement, unable to argue as sleep overtook him.

As Sara watched him sleep, her mind wandered over the past ten years of her life, ten years filled with him. At first, of course, he hadn't been receptive to her overtures. He'd been a master at holding her off, keeping a distance between them always. Then they'd gone through this push and pull stage where she'd get close and he'd let her but then push her away. So she'd tried to push back by dating others…Hank being the most prominent. But that had blown up in her face. And after settling into something akin to friendship and slowly growing closer, he'd finally relented and let her in.

As her mind wandered back, she realized he only let her in after she was falling apart, drinking too much, and generally becoming an emotional mess. Sure, things had happened to bring her to that point, but…it was her vulnerability that had broken through his walls. Was that it? She had been needy and so he'd opened up to save her?

Her mind twisted over the question. But she had been vulnerable other times… and she wasn't when he finally came to Costa Rica. In fact, she'd sent him a video where she told him she was fine…happy even. And a few weeks later, there he was. So being broken hadn't been the attraction. And everything he'd told her in Costa Rica and everything the guys told her about what his last few months in Vegas had been like for him, it was more like he was the one who was broken by then.

So why was there this huge distance between them again? Would they always be like that…sparing and lunging…pushing and pulling? She couldn't keep it up like that. And looking at him now, she knew it was killing him.

But she couldn't be that woman in Paris either. She couldn't sit around waiting for him all the time. Was that why he had melted down those last weeks in Vegas…had the waiting for her eaten away at him? Of course it had…and her video must have torn him apart.

She sighed as she looked more closely at him, taking in his sunken eyes, pale skin, and how much smaller he looked. He'd always been such a formidable force in her eyes but as she studied him in the bed, he looked weak and ineffective… old even. She'd never thought about him getting older…not really. She was aware of his knees and his ever growing whiter hair…she'd thought his gray hair was sexy a few years ago, but now with it all white, …not so much. It made him look older. And there were lines on his face; lines that hadn't been there a couple of years ago. Had she done that to him? Had she taken a man who seemed larger than life and ageless and turned him into an old man?

No, she decided. He was simply getting older…their age difference finally showing. Did she care? Her mind turned over that question. Of course she cared that he was getting older… losing the inevitable battle of the life cycle. But did it change how she felt about him? Staring down at him now, with his eyes closed and the irrepressible force of their blue gaze dulled, doubt clouded her thoughts.

She found herself trying to so something she hadn't before…picture herself with him in ten…fifteen years. How would that be? She was just seriously entering the stage of life that he was beginning to leave behind, middle age. How would she handle being with an old man…not older, but old? Especially when she still had so much still ahead, so much to accomplish?

But she loved him. She had for years…since she first laid eyes on him in San Francisco. He'd been so beautiful, standing in front of the lecture room, making his quirky jokes, eliciting chuckles form the group. And when his blue eyes had finally settled on her, she'd melted. She smiled as she remembered how hard she tried to get up the nerve to ask him to dinner. At first, she thought he was ignoring her, blowing her off. But as she got to know him better, she'd realized that she'd left him speechless…dumbstruck. He'd retreated because he simply didn't know what to think or how to respond.

She wished she could turn back the clock…change that initial meeting…speed things up. Then they would have had several good years together before…Natalie. Maybe then they could have survived…

Cold reality settled in her. They were over. Whatever the magic had been…it wasn't there anymore, not for her anyway. Sadness washed through her with the revelation. She loved him…but too much had happened…too much had gone wrong. She didn't think they would ever be able to get _it_ back, whatever _it_ was.

Catherine was going crazy, lying on the bed and staring at the adjoining door, willing Jim to open it and knowing that the door was closed…maybe forever. Consequently, she decided to get out of the room and see some of the city. Armed with her rental car keys and a map of the city, she headed out to find the French Quarter. She drove by the hospital and briefly wondered how things were going with Grissom. She needed to let Gil and Sara decide where things were between them before she even considered what her next step would be… if she could ever get them in a room together. One thing was for sure, she wasn't going to be _the other woman._ She'd gone through the hurt and disappointment of Eddie cheating on her. She would not do that to anyone else. And feeling the way she did about Jim's departure, she was wondering if she would do anything anyway.

She drove past The Superdome and worked her way down Canal, chuckling as she drove past Rampart. Finally, she found a good parking area near Harrah's and began to make her way on foot toward the French Market. After coffee and a beignet at Café Du Monde, she wandered around Jackson Square and ended up at St. Louis Cathedral. She slipped inside, lit a candle for Gil, and said a prayer for guidance in the coming days. Then gathering her courage, she headed back to the hospital.

* * *

Many thanks to all who have reviewed. I truly appreciate your kind words. But I invite constuctive criticism as well. That is, after all, how we get better.


	8. Inklings

Sara was standing in front of the window looking out when his eyes opened. Seeing her there almost sent him into a panic. Why was she there? Was this it, the final good-bye? Did he want it to be? Loving her had been…difficult. Oh there were good times, great times. And at times it had been the easiest, most natural thing in his life. But most of their time together had been difficult, keeping the relationship secret even when he sometimes needed to talk about how to deal with the inevitable ups and downs. And then when Natalie had taken her…and the aftermath… it had been …awkward, at best. But he'd learned how to be supportive, or so he thought. In the end, he hadn't been enough.

All the months after she left, months of trying to keep their relationship alive when he had no idea where it was going or if it was worth the effort had been brutal. But he'd believed it was. So he had worked at it. And then she came back, only to want to leave again and take him with her. His most vulnerable time in his life…everything had felt like shaky ground after Warrick's murder and she wanted to uproot him even more. He'd needed the routine, his friends around him…something, anything that felt normal. But then she left again and suddenly nothing felt right anymore. He became despondent, barely functional but he'd kept going because he didn't know what else to do. Only this time, he was completely cut off from her…and he blamed himself.

Catherine had understood, listening as he voiced his thoughts. And Heather, well … hopefully Sara would never hear about the nights he spent there. He'd gone there because Heather didn't really know Sara and didn't remind him of her. With Heather he didn't feel like there was a third person in the room. But guilt had forced him to leave her sanctuary; guilt because it had turned physical. He had needed someone to fill the hole in his heart and Heather had tried. But she wasn't Sara. In the end, he knew he had used her, used his friend despicably. Heather hadn't complained, but she had known from the outset. And he had hurt her deeply. And not only has he hurt his friend, he'd done the one thing he never imagined himself capable of; he had cheated on Sara.

Finally, he left his life, everything that he'd spent a lifetime building, his career, his friends, his dog…and he followed her, determined to make it up to her, all of it. But still it hadn't been enough. And now, here she was again. Why wouldn't she just leave him? Why couldn't he die in peace? But…he wasn't dying. He was getting better. He was surviving. And he would survive this too. And then…what? He was considering that question when she turned around.

"Hey," she said in that soft voice that had turned him to jelly so many times. But her smile was absent. Instead, she looked…what? Expectant? Nervous? Afraid? Gil wasn't sure. He didn't have the energy to decipher her right now. It took everything he had to be awake and stay alive. He wanted to feel something as she looked at him, but looking inwardly he couldn't find any feelings; not love, not hate, not worry…not anything. Maybe it was the drugs, he decided. But no, that wasn't a decision was it…just a thought. Decisions required effort and he couldn't make that effort right now. He wasn't sure he even wanted to. "Hey," he answered blandly.

He could see the hurt in her eyes. _But what else does she expect?_ Continuing to watch her, he wondered why she had come.

"Jim called me. He told me about you being here…said I um…should come."

He wished he could feel something; happiness, anger, disappointment, relief…anything. But he felt nothing as he watched her.

"He um…said you have flukes?"

Gil nodded affirmatively but said nothing.

"They're giving you the meds?" she asked as she glanced at his IV bag.

"Yes," he rasped.

"How long until…"

"A few days…maybe four."

"You going back to Paris?"

"Don't know," he said absently. She was making him feel tired. His eyes shifted to the window where the sunlight was almost blinding. But it looked warm and cheerful.

"I uh…could go with you," she said. He thought he detected hope in her comment but as he looked back to her face, he saw nervousness. Replying seemed like too much effort. Besides, what would the point be; she'd just leave again. "For how long," he finally managed.

"Until you're better…" It sounded like more of a question than an answer to his ears. He looked towards the window again. _Where's Catherine? _She wouldn't wear him out like this. She wouldn't make him feel like this…feel despair. He glanced at the door, hoping she would come.

"Thought you were needed in Vegas?"

"I told Ecklie that I didn't know when I'd be back," she answered.

"But you said you would be back?" His voice was soft and noncommittal, no hint of accusation but she thought she heard one anyway.

"They need the help," she answered.

Her answer stung, not because he disagreed but because it was the very reason he had given when she'd wanted him to leave to go to Costa Rica in the first place. And she'd just left without him. Closing his eyes, he fought the urge to point it out to her…the irony of her present situation. The tables were turned and what? She was, after all, willing to take some time to spend with him. But then she would go back…back to the job she had to leave before, back to the city that she said was destroying her…back to the darkness that had threatened to overwhelm her before. And he wondered again how she could go back now, without him when she hadn't been able to stay before, with him.

She seemed to read his mind. "I couldn't stay before because I was such a mess. But the time in Costa Rica helped…and when you showed up, it was…it healed me. So now I can take Vegas; I can survive. You did that for me…"

He sighed deeply. "You can survive…so now you don't need me. Finally, I understand," he said despondently.

Sara was stunned. She began to think about her feelings in Paris, her depression at having nothing to do but wait for him to come home. She had needed him there because she had nothing else. It was just like before, when she had needed her work because she had nothing else. Would she ever find balance in her life? Costa Rica had seemed…right. But it had only been temporary. Was she even capable of being happy?

"It isn't like that …" she started to say.

But he raised his hand, waving her off. "Tired," he said. "Talk later," and he settled into his pillow, not quite asleep but not responsive either.

Sara was angry. He wouldn't even listen…wouldn't even try to work it out. But then the anger dissipated. He was very sick, she reasoned. It was too much for him just now. He did say they would talk later…

She watched as he lingered somewhere between awake and asleep. _Why was I angry that he didn't want to talk just then? Why did I expect him to try to work it out? Is that what I want? I had decided to let him go, that it was over…what do I want? What is it that I expect from him?_

Gil could feel her eyes on him; could feel her frustration. Well, maybe that's what he wanted. Anger tried to well up within him but he didn't have the energy for it. So sadness crept in instead. And then he just wished she would go away. _Where's Catherine? Did she leave? Please Cath, don't go. _

As if answering his silent plea, the door open and Catherine walked in. "Hey sleepy head," she said brightly and then stopped, sighting Sara across the room. "Sara," she said surprised.

Sara grinned sheepishly. "Yeah. Jim said I should come. Where is he, anyway?"

"The guy we came to question died. Conrad wanted us back in Vegas ASAP. But we talked and decided I would stay here with Gil, since we didn't know…"

"Oh. So Jim went back?" Sara looked uncomfortable.

"Yeah. He should be back by now. Ecklie wasn't thrilled with me staying but I…we felt someone should be here…for Gil."

"Right," Sara answered.

"I'm glad you are here though," Catherine said warmly. "Gil needs… all the support he can get."

Sara glanced at the bed. "Yeah, I'm sure."

Gil was more alert than he was letting them see. He wanted to see how the two women acted with one another. Would Catherine tell Sara about Heather? Had she done that already? Of course, Catherine didn't know the whole story, but she suspected. Gil knew that much. And once Catherine Willows suspected….well, her intuition and her uncanny knack for seeing through him, she knew. And then he realized something. He didn't care if Sara knew…not beyond the fact that she would be hurt by it. But as far as how it would affect their relationship, he didn't care. His mind began to spin around that revelation.

The two women stood apart, neither wanted further conversation. Catherine glanced at Gil's monitor and then settled into a chair close to the bed, leaving the one next to it for Sara. But she didn't sit, moving to the window instead.

Except for the soft chirps of the monitor, the room was silent for several minutes. Then slowly, Gil opened his eyes. His eyes moved to Catherine immediately. "Hello," he said.

Sara turned and glared. He sounded happier. Catherine smiled at him. "Hello yourself. How are you feeling?"

"Tired," he sighed. "But… better, I think."

Sara rolled her eyes. She frowned as Catherine continued to talk. "Well, I know I feel better. That nap felt really good. And after, I went to Jackson Square. I'll have to diet for a week to counter that beignet but it was worth it. And then I went to St. Louis Cathedral and said a prayer.

Sara huffed as a small grin formed at the corners of Gil's mouth. "A prayer?"

"For your recovery," Catherine replied. "And for guidance…"

Sara tilted her head, wondering what guidance Catherine was praying for. And then she got angry again as she saw something pass between them. Gil knew; she was sure of it. But what was it all about?

Gil was basking in Catherine's warmth. Since she had come in the room, he'd already felt better. He watched her, zoning out Sara over by the window. "Maybe when I get out of here, you'll take me for a beignet? It sounds…enticing."

Catherine smiled broadly. "Well, since you haven't expressed a desire for any kind of food at all, of course I will. Or maybe I'll go down and get you one later, if your doctor approves."

"No, it won't be warm if you bring it. Besides, I want to see the Square too. It has been years since I was there."

"Well of course I'll take you then. But I'm envious. You and Jim both have been here before. This is my first trip."

Sara watched as Gil's eyes began to sparkle. "Then when I feel better, I'll show you what I know of the city," he said.

"Deal," Catherine smiled. "And I'm going to hold you to it too."

Gil sighed happily. "I expect you to."

Sara watched the exchange, doubts clouding her mind. Gil was much more animated and energetic with Catherine. He had just seemed so tired earlier. But as soon as Catherine arrived… She frowned as she began to understand just how much he was shutting her out. Anger and frustration clouded her mind along with jealousy. _After all they were still married, _she thought.

Mindful of Sara's presence, Catherine looked up and smiled. "Have you been to New Orleans before, Sara?"

Sara glared at the other woman, angry with her for being so obvious. "No, I haven't."

"Well, then Gil, you have to show us both the city," Catherine said brightly. She watched as storm clouds gathered in both Grissom faces.

Grissom looked nervously at his wife. "Sure, if Sara will stay long enough for me to get back on my feet," he said evenly.

Sara's eyes narrowed. _What did he mean by that? _She wondered. "Um…no, I promised Ecklie I would get back as quickly as possible. The lab _is_ short handed, what with both of us here…"

Grissom smirked. "Yeah, I know that is," he said darkly.

"Yeah." Sara responded emptily. "Well, since you're here Cath, I think I'll go get a bite to eat. It's been hours and I'm starving."

Catherine's eyes blinked in surprise. "Sure. I won't budge 'til you get back. There a nice little café just down the block, if you want something quiet and I think they had some Vegetarian food too."

"Thanks," Sara replied. And then she was gone.

* * *

So what do they all want? Everyone seems confused... What do you think Sara will do? Grissom? And then there's Catherine. Hmm...so many possibilities, lol.


	9. Honesty

Catherine turned her attention back to Gil, who was staring at the door thoughtfully after watching Sara leave. "You could at least make an effort Gil. She did come to see about you."

His eyes shifted from the door to her. His expression almost made her gasp. She couldn't recall ever seeing such despair in his eyes before, not even when Sara had left after Warrick's funeral. "I can't afford to…emotionally, I mean," he replied.

Catherine frowned. "What do you mean by that? She is your wife."

He sighed. "Yeah… but if I…if…" his eyes shifted to his fingers which were picking at the blanket on his bed. "If I read anything into her presence, then it will make me hope and…"

Catherine watched as his mind seemed to wander away. She sat patiently for a few minutes, watching his various facial expressions as he thought. Finally he looked up, his expression coming back into focus. "I can't trust her to stay," he said finally.

"She loves you Gil."

"Maybe," he shrugged. "Maybe she still does, but…there's something she's missing…in her life, I mean. There's a piece to the puzzle that she can't quite come to terms with. And until she does, she won't be satisfied. I can't help her with it because…well, I just can't, it seems. I gave up everything, Cath. And that wasn't enough for her. I don't mean that as an accusation…I just mean that she needs something that I can't give her."

Catherine saw the regret as he looked at her. Her heart was breaking for both of her friends, but she had special feelings for Gil, so of course he had most of her sympathy. "So you don't think there is any hope for the two of you?" She hoped her voice didn't give away the anticipation that was budding within her.

"No, I don't," he replied. "Even if she…well, I just don't have anything more to give. I can't risk anymore with her."

Catherine reached for his hand on the blanket and covered it with hers. "I'm sorry Gil. I know you put yourself out there for her more than you ever have before."

"Maybe it was too late…for me, I mean. Maybe if I had understood years ago…"

"Understood what, Gil?"

"How good it could be…loving someone so much that she means everything. I…relationships always took a back seat. But with Sara, I learned…well, it was a whole new existence for me."

"Do you still love her?"

Gil looked out the window, sadness settling over his features. "Yes," he said weakly. "I will always love her. But we've seen plenty of examples where love isn't enough; where no matter how much two people care for one another, they just can't … survive with each other."

"So you are giving up?"

"She gave up," he snapped. "I kept trying…until she left this last time. How could she go back to the job…to the city that was killing her before? She couldn't stay with me there. How can she go back now? Why can't she be happy with me, Cath?" The last was said in a cry of despair.

Catherine took a deep breath. "I don't know Gil But you need to tell her these things…ask her these questions. I don't have the answers, only she does…if she even knows."

"I don't think she does…" he replied as his eyes moved to the window, his mind obviously wandering to memories.

"Well still…you need to have this conversation with her. Maybe you'll get some answers, maybe not. But… at least maybe the two of you can move on … with or without each other."

Looking back at her, a questioning expression came over him. "Why are you trying to help me…us. Why do you want us together?"

She looked at him thoughtfully, asking herself the same question. "It's not that I want you and Sara together so much… I want you, both of you to be happy. And I don't think you will be until you have some answers. In some ways, breaking up with Eddie was the best thing I ever did…who am I kidding, in all ways, it was. But it didn't necessarily make me happier. I missed…still miss, having someone special in my life to go home to, that I can count on. I thought I had that with Eddie and I suppose that's one of the reasons it didn't work. I tried to be that for him but he was never that for me." She paused as her mind wandered over her failed marriage. "But at least I had some answers, not all the answers and certainly not ones I wanted to know, but…it allowed me to move on."

"And are you happier now?"

"Yeah, I am. Not as happy as I want to be, but I do have hope for that special someone… And I want that for you too, and Sara. But neither of you will get there unless you talk."

Gil sighed. "You're right, of course. When she comes back… but, will you…I mean, could you stay?"

"Ah, I don't think…"

"Not in the room…for our … talk. But after… when she leaves… I…"

"Sure. I'll stick around Gil. After all, we've always had each other's back."

He looked up at her, a small smile settling over his lips. "Yeah, always."

Settling back into his pillow, Gil sighed and then slowly closed his eyes to rest.

Sara eased back into the room about an hour later. She saw Catherine sitting in the chair next to the bed, reading a magazine. Gil was sleeping, something he still seemed to do a lot. Softly, she spoke to Catherine. "Thanks for telling me about that café. The food was delicious and it was a nice break from the hospital."

Catherine smiled. "I'm glad. You looked like you need some fresh air. Hospitals are so…confining."

Sara nodded and then looked at Gil. "How's he doing?"

"I think he's getting stronger. He chatted for a few minutes after you left but then needed a nap. When we first got here, he couldn't stay awake for more than five minutes, it seemed."

"I think …he must have gotten the flukes when I pushed him in the water…in Costa Rica."

Catherine chuckled. "You pushed him in?"

"Yeah…we were walking down the trail to the waterfall and…it was an impulse."

Still amused, Catherine glanced at Gil and then back at Sara. "Oh, I'll bet he was pissed. I would love to have seen it though."

:Actually, he laughed about it. It was…" she paused as the memory flooded through her again. "… a very special afternoon."

Catherine watched the other woman's face change as she remembered. Her features softened and a wistful look came over her, causing a pang of jealously deep within Catherine. "I'll bet," Catherine said knowingly. "Hey look, if you're back for awhile, I think I'll go make some calls and check on things back in Vegas. You two don't need a third wheel anyway…"

"Thanks Cath…for understanding."

"Hey, every marriage has its bumps. And it takes both partners to make it work. You guys just need to figure out what you want…"

"Still, I hadn't expected…I mean, you and Gil have been friends for so long…"

"Yeah, we have. But you and I have been friends for awhile too. Besides, all I want for either of you is happiness. If that means the two of you being together, then good. And if not…well, then you need to let each other move on. One way or another, you need to figure it out, though."

Sara nodded in agreement as she watched her friend leave. She had to admit that she was still surprised by Catherine's apparent neutrality. She had always been very protective of Grissom.

She watched him sleep awhile longer. He looked so peaceful that it tugged at her heart. She still loved him but something had changed, she realized. She had, she mused. When she had moved to Vegas everything was centered on him. She wanted a career, to be independent and successful, but more than anything she wanted him. She'd spent years pursuing him and then finally won him. "Hmpf," she snorted to herself, "like a prize at the fair…" And they had been happy, she thought as she remembered those early days of togetherness. But then Natalie had happened and she had begun to unravel. After that, everything was different. Oh, his appearance in Costa Rica had been…wonderful. And while they travelled, the problems seemed inconsequential. But in Paris, it all started coming back. And she had left, again.

_It's not fair…that I keep leaving…I wish I knew why. Besides, our age difference is beginning to matter. I don't know how I will handle it as he gets older. That's not fair to him. I'm not being fair to him. And…I'm not being fair to me. Whatever it is that keeps me from staying… I need to figure it out. I thought I had but…there's something more._

Gil woke and watched her gazing out of the window. It hurt, watching her and loving her and feeling so far from her. And he needed the pain to stop. "Sara," he said with a croak.

She turned to look at him and smiled. "Yeah, it's me."

"Catherine's gone?"

"For awhile. She…um, she thought we could use some time alone…to talk."

"You want to go back to Vegas?" His tone wasn't accusing, just sad.

"Yeah…but not yet. I um…I think I have some explaining to do." She glanced at him, catching the fear in his eyes. "Thing is, I'm not sure how to explain. I just seem to keep…running away and I don't know why."

"I've noticed," he said dryly.

"Yeah," she said as if air had been let out of a balloon. "So, you feel like talking?"

"I think we need to…" he replied.

Sara pulled the chair closer and settled into it. Looking at him, she realized that her emotions were mirrored in his face. "So I suppose I should start…"

* * *

Oh dear, can this be good? Hmmmm...


	10. Opening Up

Catherine was at a loss and finally decided to go to the hospital cafeteria. Sitting with a cup of coffee, her mind began to wander. She knew that Gil and Sara needed some time without her around, time to sort things out. But it was killing her, not being there. What if they officially called it quits? How would he cope? He would need someone and she hoped it would be her. Or did she? She thought of Jim, already back in Vegas. With a sigh, she realized he hadn't called to tell her he'd arrived. Absently, she pulled her phone out to check again for messages. There were none.

Pursing her lips, an impulse came over her and she texted him. "Gil and Sara talking," it said. "Don't know what I want but I do know I miss you." Her brow furrowed as she reread the message. Finally, she added "love, Cat" and sent it.

Frustrated with her conflicting emotions, she tried to think of other things. Checking her watch, she realized that Lindsey would be in classes now and briefly she wondered which one. A faint smile played at the corner of her lips as the irony of her daughter's career choice struck her once again. _Acting,_ she said inwardly. _The theater…guess it's natural after all the drama in her family. Goodness knows Mom sure laid it on, especially about Sam. And me…I guess I've been a little overly dramatic about some things over the years too. Still, don't know if I want her to be successful or not. It's a tough life for a young girl…no, make that woman; she's a young woman now._

Her mind wandered to the call she'd received a few days ago from Frank Martinelli, one of Sam's investors. He'd offered her a job at the Eclipse. Seems the investors wanted someone running the place that had an interest in it. While her portion was small compared to theirs, it was sizable in her world. Jim had encouraged her to think about it.

_Jim…wonder what he is doing right now? Probably at work. Conrad is probably making his life hell…_

She spent an hour over her cup of coffee, thinking about Jim, the lab, Lindsey, anything to keep her mind off of the conversation going on upstairs in Gil's room. Suddenly anxious and nervous, she decided to walk around the hospital for a little while. Wandering past the gift shop, she headed into the main lobby area where she was surprised to see Sara making a quick exit through the front doors.

Torn over which direction she should go, Catherine hesitated and then decided in favor of Gil. After all, he was confined to the bed and she had promised to be there for him…after.

"All clear," she asked as she peeked around his door.

"Yeah," he said dejectedly.

Easing into the room, her hands in her pockets, she looked around. "Everything seems to be in order…" she said lightly, trying to ease some of her tension.

"No fireworks," he answered tiredly, looking out the window.

Settling in the chair next to the bed, she sighed. "You okay?"

Turning his head to her, he simply looked at her. The sight of tears in his eyes unsettled her more than she wanted to admit. "Gil?"

"She's…gone… for the last time," he said softly.

"Oh Gil…"

"We talked…it's like I thought…but she feels guilty…"

"Guilty?"

"That…she's hurting me…over and over. She thought it was behind her but it all came back in Paris. And…she loves me, she says, but there's something inside of her…something she hasn't come to terms with…"

"Okay…" she drawled.

"I could sense her hesitation…that she thinks she should stay…and I could sense that she didn't want to. Even if she does love me, it isn't enough…I'm…not enough."

Catherine's heart was breaking for him. "Gil," she said sympathetically. "My god, you are enough for any woman…in so many ways…"

He looked at her quizzically. "No…not for you?"

Frowning. "What…did you say to her?" she asked, choosing to ignore what he'd just said for the moment.

"I…told her I understood, which seemed to make her feel more guilty. And I didn't want that, so I told her about Heather."

"About…Heather?"

"Yeah…after Sara left Vegas the last time…"

"I thought…I had an idea you went to Heather's," Catherine said, suddenly feeling very shaky.

"You … always knew what was going on with me, didn't you," he said with a sad smile.

"Not always. But you were so…down, in such a dark place. And … then you suddenly seemed to be pulling it all together, pulling yourself together. And you were … putting the pieces of your own puzzle together for a change instead of just barreling through. I thought...well, you and Heather have always had _something _between you…but then you suddenly decided to quit CSI and head off to the jungle and so I decided it was all in my mind."

"I went to her house to ask some advice… on a case. And…she saw right through me. It was just after I'd received a video from Sara. One where she was basically saying good-bye. Heather put me on the spot on a couple of things. But she also recognized how lost I was. And she knew that going home…I wouldn't get any rest. And the lab reminded me of Sara too. So she offered her guest bedroom…and I stayed."

"Okay…" Catherine drawled with an unspoken question.

"I asked her to stay with me that night. And she did. And nothing happened. But it was easier, sleeping at Heather's and not going home. I actually slept…some. And then one night…" He closed his eyes in a grimace. "One night, it just all hurt so much; I was so lonely. And she came to check on me and…well, you can guess what happened."

Catherine's heart pounded in her chest as the realization of what he was saying hit her. He had slept with Heather while he and Sara were supposed to be together. He had cheated. "And you told Sara about it."

"Yeah, well… some of it. Maybe she won't feel so guilty. She'll be too angry with me to feel guilty."

"But Gil, do you have any idea how much that hurt her?"

"I can guess," he said as a tear trickled down his face. "But she'll be hurt and then angry and then she'll get over me…no more guilt."

Catherine's eyes widened. "And you think that'll be easier for her?" she almost screeched.

"Maybe not. But at least she won't be feeling the guilt. She's carried enough of that around."

"And she'll never trust anyone again, Gil."

"She will. When she calms down and thinks about it, she will. I know my Sara…I know Sara, she's not mine anymore."

Catherine was agitated. Standing up she began to pace the room. "Do you have any idea how long it took for me to get over Eddie cheating on me…the hurt, the lack of confidence….all those stupid relationships with jerks…"

Gil's look sharpened. "I do. I watched all those relationships with jerks from the sidelines, remember?"

"You _were_ paying attention? Why didn't you say anything?"

"It was… none of my business," he said as he glanced away.

"You were…are…my friend Gil, a good one. And you saw what I was doing and you let me do it?"

"I… it killed me to watch but…I thought that was what you wanted … that they were what you wanted."

Boiling in frustration and her disbelief spilling over, Catherine spoke before thinking. "What I _wanted_ was you!"

Suddenly the room was eerily quiet as he gaped at her. His blue eyes were huge and shocked. Then finally closing his mouth, he took a deep breath. "You wanted me?"

Calming herself, she nodded through glistening eyes. "When I was with Eddie, I couldn't allow myself to go there…think about it at all. But after the divorce…I….kept looking for a way to say something, but you…you never gave me an opening. I decided you weren't interested. And Sara was on the scene by then…and of course Terri Miller was in there somewhere. And Sophia. With all those beautiful, intelligent, classy women around…what chance did I stand?"

Gil blinked, several times. "You wanted me?" he asked again. She just stood there, staring at him, this time her mouth agape. "B..but, I tried," he finally managed to say.

"You did?"

"I… said things, hoping you would…you always knew what I meant. I didn't think I needed to explain…everything. But…" Then suddenly he seemed to collect himself. "Terri and even Sophia never stood a chance because….because they weren't you. They were similar in some ways, strong intelligent, and beautiful women…like you. But they weren't you."

"And Sara?"

Looking like a deer caught in the headlights, he gulped. "Sara wasn't you in any way. She was…safe. She made it clear she wanted me, that my idiosyncrasies would be tolerable. And it didn't matter to her that I am so socially awkward. She is too. She…would never demand that I …that I venture too far out of my cocoon."

Catherine stared at him, dumbfounded. "You thought I was too much of a risk?"

"I thought… that even if you …took pity on me and gave it a try that I would be too boring. Too awkward and introverted…too much of a hermit," he said sheepishly, his eyes looking intently at the blanket over his knees.

Chuckling, Catherine edged closer. "Well, I probably would have made you leave the cocoon from time to time. After all, I do love to get out and party. But boring? Gil, you are many things, but boring is never a word I would use to describe you. You can be obstinate, bull-headed, clueless and one of the sweetest, most caring men I've ever met, when you aren't hiding from your emotions."

"And that was another reason…you need emotional support and I never believed I had that to give you. Like you said, I tend to …hide from emotions. I don't…know what to do… with them."

"What?" she asked incredulously. "Gil, you were the only real support I had for years. You held me together with your concern and your, admittedly sometimes distant but always there, caring."

They both remained quiet for a few moments, contemplating the little ball of fuzz that had risen on his blanket from his constant fidgeting with it. Finally, she sighed. "When you get out of here, we've got some talking to do."

Gil chanced a look up at her. "We do?"

"Yeah. I know you're still hurting from Sara. And I have some…things to resolve. But we need to stop wasting time on what we do or don't want from each other… "

"Things to resolve? Like Jim?" His voice was firm.

Tossing her head back, her hair fluttering away from her face, she looked at him straight on. "Like Jim. Seems he … was interested in me for a long time but he knew that as long as you were around, it wouldn't work. After you left for Costa Rica, we got closer and we've been dating…awhile. He went back to Vegas to give me a chance to figure out what I want."

"You're supposed to choose?"

"Yeah, but…how do I choose between the two best men I know?"

Eyes sparkling, Gil looked at her earnestly. "I can't answer that, Catherine. I can't even say for sure that you have a choice to make because right now, I'm … confused."

"Don't know what you want, huh?"

He looked up into her face, full of bittersweet amusement. "I feel like I don't know anything right now."

"Fair enough. But let's not just let it drop, okay?"

Nodding in agreement, a small smirk settled on his features. "We'll talk." And then he was overcome by a huge yawn.

"But now you need to sleep," she said softly as she eased back into the chair.

"You'll stay?" He asked sleepily.

"For now. After all, no matter what, we've always had each other's back."

His head settled into the pillow with a huge grin on his face.

* * *

Okay, I know some of you are ready to strangle me now because I didn't actually write the talk between Sara and Gil. But I decided that since I began with Gil and Catherine being the two central characters in this thing, I needed to stick with their reactions first. The next chapter will touch on how Sara and Brass deal with it.

And I'm loving the reviews. What I'm getting is that everyone seems to think we'll end up with four very unhappy people or two happy people and two people left out in the cold. The third option is of course, that all four will end up happy. Hmmm. guess we'll just have to see how it turns out.

I'm going to add a little note about Catherine. I'm writing her, remembering more the character from the first six or seven seasons, than the last few. I especially am mad at her right now because of the way she's been treating Jim. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY messes with my Brassman and gets away with it, lol. And since Grissom left, she's just been kind of bitchy anyway. So on with the story...

As always, your comments are much appreciated!


	11. Trying to Understand

Sara's plane landed in Vegas later that night. She'd called and asked Greg to meet her and was surprised when it was Jim Brass that greeted her. "Hey kiddo," he said with a grin.

"Jim? I was expecting Greg," she said as she glanced around.

"Yeah, he um…had a little incident earlier. I told him I'd cover it." He told her as he walked her to the baggage claim.

"Incident?" Alarms went off in her head.

"Yeah, he was called to a scene and took a spill," Jim informed her. Her eyes bored in on Jim as she became agitated. Opening her mouth to fire off questions, she was stopped when he put his hand up.

"He's okay. But they want to keep him at the hospital overnight for observation. In any case, he's in no shape to drive."

"What happened?" She reached over and grabbed her bag.

Jim took it from her and began walking her to his car. "Like I said, he had a spill. Slipped in some blood. Unfortunately, it was on a staircase. He tumbled down several steps before landing at the bottom. He's got some nasty bruises, a concussion, and sprained his right knee. But like I said, he's fine."

"I want to see him," she declared.

"Thought you might feel that way," Jim said as he opened the passenger door for her. "We can stop for a few minutes but I have to warn you, he's pretty much out of it…painkillers."

Sara nodded as she climbed in the car. "Okay, I get it…"

Jim waited for her in the hallway as she slipped into Greg's room. "Hey Greg," she said softly.

"Sara?" He was groggy and sounded weak.

"Yeah, it's me. How you feeling?"

"Like I've been run over…"

Recognizing his need to sleep and her own state of weariness, Sara decided to make it quick. "Yeah. Hey, I'm gonna go home and get some sleep and come back in the morning, okay? You look like you could use some sleep too."

"Yeah…in the morning," he answered drowsily.

Jim drove her to the townhouse and carried her bag up for her. Opening the door, she turned to take the bag from him. "Thanks Jim."

"Yeah…ah, listen….you haven't said…how's Grissom?"

"He's…better," she said bitterly.

Jim's eyebrows furrowed. "Sara?"

She stepped into the townhouse and Jim followed her. "We're through, Jim," she said as she set her bag down.

"Through?" he asked as his heart plummeted.

"Yeah. There were problems…in Paris. And I came back here…kind of running away. And…we talked. I felt so guilty for leaving him so many times but not anymore," she said bitterly.

"No?" Jim was reeling, feeling hope slip away.

"He cheated on me Jim…with Heather."

"What? No…" he denied. "Gil wouldn't…" He hesitated and then looked at her speculatively. "When?"

"After I left here the last time. I asked him to go with me but… And as time passed it was obvious he wasn't going to follow…"

"Sara, he didn't know where you were."

"I had told him I wanted to go on this expedition…"

"But he didn't know that's where you went…" Jim was frustrated.

"It wouldn't have difficult for him to check…" She was angry with his attitude.

Changing his tactic, Jim sighed. "Sara, you have no idea how bad it was for him when you left."

"Right…" she said angrily.

"No…we tried to help him but it was like he was in this black spiral that was taking him down. He had trouble focusing, couldn't concentrate. He'd work doubles four…five nights a week because the lab was so short handed and …he couldn't stand to go home. I'd be talking to him and it was like he just faded away… And then he'd go for periods where he wouldn't answer his phone. I had to come get him several times and he'd be asleep on the couch. It was like he was going through the motions. But then he seemed to be coming out of it…pulling himself together. He started looking healthier…getting some rest. Then all of sudden he fell apart again."

Sara listened, trying to imagine just how bad it had gotten. "I…sent him a video. He said…" She took in a deep breath, "he said it almost destroyed him. He was working a case and he went to Heather for some advice…and stayed."

Suddenly everything fell into place for Jim. "I remember the case…and he did seem to come to some kind of decision after that. Wasn't long until he announced he was leaving."

"But, he slept with her," she cried out.

Jim looked at her sympathetically. "Look Honey, take it from someone who's been there. Sometimes you reach out because you're drowning. You have to hold on to something … or somebody... even if it someone like Heather." Shifting uncomfortably, he continued. "There's always been…something between them but as strange as it all was, I don't think he was really interested in her like you're thinking. When they first met, he was attracted because…well, she was so unlike anything he'd ever experienced before. And Heather has a way of knocking a guy off balance. But once you and he…once he gave in to how he felt about you, I don't think he ever really looked at Heather like that again. But when you left the second time, he was …lost."

"Still, he cheated. And with…her." Sara said brokenly.

"Honey," Jim sighed, "he was in such a cold and dark place…feeling so empty. And she was a lifeline. That's all it was, I'm sure."

"He told you?" Tears were running down her face by now.

"No," he said slowly. "But like I said, I've been there. And…whatever happened between them…well, he thought you were out of his life for good. And you gotta remember, he left her, his job, everything…and went after you. That was a huge step for him. But it was you he wanted. He didn't think twice about leaving Heather behind once he decided what he was going to do."

Sara let out a soft sob. "But he…cheated," she wailed.

Jim patted her softly on her back. "So he's like most men after all…an ass. But honey, if you hadn't left, he never would've done it. I'm not saying he didn't screw up, but…. You did leave."

Sara fell into Jim, hugging him as she began to openly sob. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close, wondering what he could do to help.

After a few minutes, she straightened up and began to wipe away her tears. "I…knew he was…depressed over Warrick. But I didn't realize…I mean, here I was on this ship, thinking of him like he always was, engrossed in his work and you know…moving on. I had no idea… He did tell me some of it when he found me in Costa Rica but…"

"Yeah, well…it wouldn't be like him to tell you everything. And honestly, I'm surprised he told you about Heather…"

"We were talking…and I was trying to explain about leaving Paris. I mean, the last time…it must have felt final to him. I wasn't very….well, I was distant on the last trip."

"And he just suddenly told you about Heather?" Jim was incredulous.

"Yeah, well…" And suddenly her expression changed. "He knew I was feeling guilty…"

"Dumbass," Jim said in frustration. "I'll bet nothing happened between them. Oh, he went there and they probably even slept in the same room…but I'd bet my car that there wasn't any sex."

Sara sniffled, looking at him thoughtfully. "But why would he…"

"To let you off the hook. Look Sara, you know Gil. He doesn't volunteer information that's going to cause him discomfort unless there's a good reason. There wasn't any reason to tell you unless he was trying to let you leave without you feeling guilty."

"But…it hurt to hear that he'd…that they'd…"

Jim studied her intently. "So, you gotta ask yourself why it hurts so bad. And why you keep trying to leave him. Why you keep making him chase you."

Jim watched as she seemed to withdraw into herself. "I um…I can't answer that…"

"Well, until you do…"

She looked up at him sharply. "I…need to think," she told him.

"Yeah. And I gotta get some sleep. It's been a long week for me. See you tomorrow?"

She nodded. "Yeah…tomorrow," she said as she walked him to the door. "And Jim…thanks," she said with a weak smile.

"Hey, anytime kiddo," he said with a wink before he left.

Sara had a difficult time settling down to sleep. Her conversation with Jim kept rolling through her mind, especially his questions at the end. Why did it hurt so much? Hadn't she decided to leave him before he told her about Heather? So why should it hurt so much? And why did she keep running away from him? She'd come up with all kinds of reasons, but deep inside, she knew they were empty. She had yet to discover the real reason. Her mind wouldn't stop churning over it all and she tossed and turned fitfully until finally she drifted to sleep.

Once he made it back to his house, Jim checked his phone. There were three text messages from Catherine and a voicemail. She wanted to talk to him. He stared at the phone and grumbled. Fear made him hesitate before he decided to dial her number but finally, he did.

She told him what she knew of Gil and Sara's conversation. And Jim told her what he knew. And then the line grew quiet until she sighed. "Look, I've been doing a lot of thinking…"

"Yeah?"

"Gil's still in love with Sara…"

"Seems so," he responded.

"And Sara's still in love with Gil…"

"That's the impression I got. She's mad as hell at him right now…and hurt, but…"

""I'm going to find a way to make Gil come back to Vegas with me when he gets released…"

"Yeah, well… I thought that was your plan all along…"

"Jim, I…"

"It's okay, Catherine. You can't help who you love," he said sadly. "Hey, I've gotta go. Talk to you later…" And he closed the phone. With a deep sigh, he headed for the cabinet. If ever he needed a drink, this was the time.

Catherine stared at her phone, aggravated. _Why was he in such a hurry? He just hung up on me… _She was going give him an earful when she got back to Vegas, she decided.

_Mumbling…voices…her parent's voices…in the next room. Quietly she crept out of bed and to her door, opening it just enough to see into the hallway. A faint light shone from under her parent's door and she heard their muffled voices. Was that crying? Was Mama crying again?_

_She eased her door open a little more and slid out of her room, her feet padding over the old wooden floor of the hall. Just a few steps… her ear rested against the door and she could hear them better…_

"_I'm sorry, Laura. Please…I'm sorry. I don't know why I do those things…why I get so angry. Please, you have to stay…please don't leave me…"_

_Daddy was crying. She could hear his sobs. But Daddy never cried. He got angry and he yelled and sometimes he hit them. But he never cried._

"_I'm done," Mama was saying. "I can't keep living like this…living in fear. And the children... what kind of way is this to grow up for them? All they know is fear…"_

"_I'll do better; I promise I'll do better, Laura. Stay…you'll see."_

"_No…why little Sara…she's already so afraid. She doesn't have any friends. Why do you think that is?"_

"_She doesn't want to bring them to the house…because of me," Daddy answered tearfully._

"_That's right. But even at school… her teachers tell me that she barely even talks to anyone. She is so afraid…"_

_Sara backed away from the door and scooted back to her room, back to her bed. And quietly, so very quietly, she cried into her pillow. Daddy and Mama were fighting again because of her. And Mama said she was leaving. Why didn't she want to stay? But Sara knew the truth…Mama didn't love her. And what would happen to her now? What would happen when Daddy got mad again? _

_Finally she sniffled one last time and covered her head with her pillow. No one loves her, she thought. And so from now on, she wouldn't love anyone back. It hurt too much to love. And she already hurt too much. No, she'd never give anyone the chance to hurt her again…not like that, not in her heart._

Sara woke with a start when her alarm went off. Punching the snooze button, she settled back for ten more minutes. And then suddenly her eyes popped open as she remembered her dream, a snippet from a long forgotten memory. Mama hadn't left that night. She had stayed because she loved her husband. And in the end, it had cost him his life…cost them all a piece of their sanity.

Tears began to trickle down her cheeks as she remembered those dark times. "I never thought I would be that unhappy again," she said out loud. "And look at me now. Why?"

Then suddenly it hit her squarely in her chest. She kept running away because she was afraid that if she stayed, she'd hurt him…Isn't that what married people do? They either hurt the other one emotionally or physically…or both. And that scared her. Oh, she didn't think she'd hurt him physically but she knew that she was capable of hurting him much deeper, because Gil Grissom didn't open up to just anyone and he didn't give his heart easily.

With an anguished cry, she realized he had given her his heart. And she was so terrified of hurting him like her parents had hurt each other that she backed away. She'd always had trust issues…and she trusted herself least of all. And so, instead of trusting herself to care for that which was most precious to her, she ran.

And suddenly her heart was lighter. Oh things were a mess and there was no telling how Gil was going to react, but for the first time in a very long time, she understood and she knew what to do about it.

Wiping away her tears, she scrambled out of bed. She had lots to do.

* * *

I'm beginning to feel a ping pong ball effect here, lol. Their emotions are all over the place, as are your comments. Some of you really want GSR, some really want PureJoy. And quite a few will burn me at the stake if Brass ends up unhappy, lol. I think I have four, maybe five more chapters so this one will start winding down soon. I do really appreciate all of your input! You keep me motivated;-) So once again, let me know what you think...


	12. Collecting Thoughts

I think maybe three more chapters, so this one is winding down. Everyone has been great with responses and I've loved the speculation about which way it will go. I think you'll all be able to guess where things are going soon. Sadly some will be disappointed but hopefully will be satisfied anyway.

This chapter was hard to write because beaujolais told me about some Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea stories she wrote and I've been far too engrossed in them to do much writing, lol. I had this huge crush on Admiral Nelson when I was a kid and although the show seems quite campy by today's standdards, it was amazing sci-fi in it's day. Her Voyage stories lived up to all my fantasies, but then they always do. Anyway, I hope you enjoy and hopefully I'll have something more this weekend.

* * *

Jim woke to find another message on his phone. _You hung up on me. Call me when you get this. Cath_ He sighed before tossing his phone back on the table. He'd have to think about that.

Catherine was relieved to find Gil much more alert and appearing stronger when she went to the hospital that morning. Her assessment was confirmed by the doctor later that day. "I want to run one more lab to be sure the flukes are gone," he told them. "And if everything looks good, we'll release you this afternoon."

Gil's eyes widened. "So soon?"

The doctor nodded. "The tech should be here in a few minutes to draw some blood. We'll talk later."

Catherine watched as the doctor left and then turned to Gil. "That's fantastic," she said happily.

Gil took a deep breath. "But where do I go?"

Catherine looked at him, her mood changing as she took in his forlorn expression. "Well, you're probably not ready for a flight to Paris. You could stay in a hotel here for a few days. Or …you could fly back to Vegas with me."

"You're leaving?" His anxious look tugged at her.

"Gil, I do have a job and Conrad is not happy with me being gone so long. I need to get back. But I'm serious. Come back with me. You could stay at my place while you get your feet back under you. Then you can decide if you want to go back to Paris or …whatever."

"Stay with you? I don't think…"

"Oh, it'll be fine. You can use Lindsey's room. I'll give you the space you need. And it'll give us a chance to have that talk. And if you want to…Sara will be there. And the others would love to see you. Nick especially has missed you…and Hodges of course."

He grimaced at the mention of Hodges. "I'm sure he has," Gil said woefully. Then looking up at her, he added, "I don't want to see Sara right now…"

Smiling in understanding, she patted his hand. "Then you won't. So, you'll come back with me?"

Glancing out the window, he sighed before looking back at her. "Okay, I can't think of anyplace else to go. And… I… I'm not ready to…" he looked at her nervously. "I need you."

Catherine's mouth fell open. She couldn't remember him ever saying he needed anyone. "Good. It's settled then."

The tests came back all clear and Grissom was released later that day. Catherine couldn't get a flight back until the next day, so she booked the room next to hers at the hotel; the room that had been Jim's.

The excitement and strain of checking out of the hospital and trip to the hotel wore Gil out and he decided to take a nap once they were settled in the rooms. Catherine unlocked her side of the adjoining doors and knocked on his. He opened it and looked confused. "Just thought we'd keep the doors ajar," she explained. "That way, if you need anything…"

He nodded and said thanks before closing his side, leaving a small crack. She followed his lead and decided to watch a movie while he slept. Her mind wandered over the past few days as she watched the flickering screen. And as she thought about Sara and then Gil, her stomach clinched. _What the hell are you doing?_ _He's married_ _and you're trying to be the other woman? You know what that's like…you've been in Sara's shoes…why are you doing this? _And then she began to think about Jim. Tears began to stream down her face as she realized how totally she had messed everything up. She cried until she was exhausted and fell into a restless sleep.

Sara left her meeting, tears glistening in her eyes. She'd filled her therapist in on the last few days and her dream the night before. "I think you've has an important revelation," Dr. Downs said. "But Sara, be careful. Just because you think you understand why you keep leaving…that doesn't mean you are ready to deal with everything. Go slowly."

The doctor's words kept rolling in her head. _Go slowly…might not be ready for this…go slowly…_

Needing something else to concentrate on for awhile, she decided to go see Greg. He was awake when she arrived in his room. "Hey," she said, trying to sound cheerful.

He looked up from the magazine he was reading at smiled. "Hey yourself…back from New Orleans?"

"Yeah…yeah, I am," she answered.

"Is Grissom okay now?"

She tried to smile but Greg saw her anguish as she answered. "He um…yeah, he's much better. I imagine he'll be out of the hospital in another day or two."

"You…left him in the hospital?" Greg hoped his surprise wasn't too apparent.

"Yeah…um, we um…well, he told me something and…I told him it was over." She was struggling to keep it together.

"You what? Sara, are you sure that's what you want?" Greg was incredulous. He'd watched for years as she'd circled the man and saw her happiness when they finally connected. This news seemed impossible.

"I… I thought it was…and then last night I had this dream…and now, I'm not so sure."

"Geez Sara, it must have been…bad….whatever it was he told you."

Wiping away a tear that escaped and rolled down her cheek, she nodded. "It… hurt. But, I think he said it to…" she sighed, "so I wouldn't feel so guilty about constantly leaving him."

"Yeah, I wondered what that was all about…"

"Yeah, me too. And I think I finally understand, but…" Wiping away more tears, she paused. "…but it doesn't really help."

Jim Brass sat at his desk, finishing the paperwork that had piled up on his desk in his absence when his phone beeped signaling a text message. _On my way home, _it said_. Gil with me. Cath._

Jim glared at the message and then bolted from his chair. He'd been contemplating something all morning and the message helped him decide. A few minutes later, he stood at her door, waiting for her to answer.

"Captain Brass," she said. "What a surprise."

Brass took in her dark features and her more conservative dress; well, conservative for the former dominatrix. "Heather," he said as a way of greeting. "May I come in?"

She stepped back, opening the door wider to let him in. He stepped into the foyer and turned to look at her. "Have a few minutes…to talk," he asked as nicely as his crawling skin would allow.

She lowered her head in quiet acceptance and walked towards her parlor. Jim followed her and sat on the sofa, where she indicated. She slid easily into a nearby chair and waited for him to begin.

"This isn't a business call," he said, trying to ease any concern she might have that he was investigating another crime on her turf.

"So I gathered," she said sarcastically.

"Look Heather," he started, suddenly unsure why he had come. "I don't know if you've been in touch with Grissom…"

Her expression sharpened as her head lifted, her eyes boring into him. "Grissom?"

"Yeah, he um… well, you know he left awhile back."

"I knew that he planned to leave; to find Sara," she said guardedly.

Jim was relieved to know that she knew about Sara. "Yeah, he did. And he found her in Costa Rica."

"How nice for her," Heather said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Yeah, it was. They're married, you know."

He caught her surprise as her eyebrows lifted slightly. "I knew that he wanted to marry her. But there were…complications."

"Yes, complications. Don't know if you're aware, but he's been teaching at the Sorbonne."

"Good, it suits him," she said more positively.

"Yeah…and Sara was here. They commuted. But something has come up and I need some information from you…the truth, Heather."

She tilted her head, looking confused and irritated. "Information from me?"

"Gil says…he um…well, that he was staying here with you before he left for Costa Rica."

"He did. He couldn't sleep at home; it reminded him too much of Sara."

"So um…while he was here…" Jim sighed. "You know this is really none of my business. I um…I'm sorry for disturbing you," he said as he shifted to stand up.

"You want to know if I slept with him?" Her tone was blunt as she stared at him.

Swiping his face, Jim let out a breath. "Yeah. It's important. His happiness depends on it."

He watched as she considered his question and what he said after. Finally, seeming to come to a decision, she nodded. "We slept in the same room, even in the same bed…several nights. But, that is all. There was no sex. I don't think he was capable of it even if he had desired it. He was too…depressed."

Relief flooded the detective. "I thought so, but I needed confirmation."

"Captain Brass…Jim, does Sara think that we slept together; that Grissom cheated on her with me?"

"Yes, she does."

"But why? No one knew he was staying here…unless….Did Grissom tell her that we had?"

Jim nodded. "He did. She's having some problems; I don't know the details but…I think he was trying to give her the freedom to…I dunno, deal…"

Heather's brows knitted together. "Would it help if I talked with her?"

"Uh…I don't think…you'd do that?" He was surprised.

"Grissom is my friend. I owe him…my granddaughter and my life. Sara made him happy… complete. It is the least I can do; if you think it will help."

"Um, I'll get back to you on that. Right now, I'd say no. But things are a mess and…well, she might need to hear it from you."

She followed him to the door and as he reached for the knob to open in, he hesitated. Turning, he looked at her kindly. "You know, it's nice to be on the same side for a change."

She smiled briefly. "It isn't that we've been on different sides, per se; it is that we don't trust one another."

"Yeah, guess so," Jim said with a shrug. "But I think I can trust you about Grissom."

"Indeed," she agreed.

The plane landed at McCarren. For Catherine, it had been a frustrating flight. Gil was very quiet. As she glanced at him again, she saw how deep in thought he was.

They drove to her house and she showed him to Lindsey's room. He seemed hesitant as he put his small bag on the bed. "You okay?" she asked.

Turning to her, he nodded. "It just feels…strange."

"Well, I let you settle in. I need to unpack and see about dinner."

Gil nodded. Just as she was about to close the door, he called out. "Catherine?"

She turned and looked at him. "Yeah?"

"Thank you," he said with a forced smile.

She nodded her acceptance and stepped into the hall. He just seemed so lost.


	13. Someone to Watch Over Me

The last chapter was kind of a transition. Hopefully, this one has more meat to it. As you read along you'll get where this is going, if you haven't already, and some will be disappointed. I'm sorry if you are. But obviously, I couldn't please everyone, lol. Hopefully you will still find it enjoyable.

* * *

Dinner was as quiet as the rest of the day had been. Gil pushed his food around the plate, taking a bite occasionally. Catherine watched him mournfully, wondering what she could do to help him. "So, anything you need while you are continuing to recover? Books, computer access…anything?" she asked.

He glanced up briefly before returning his attention toe his plate. "Sara can't know I am here," he said without emotion.

"Okay…" she drawled. "But you're going to have to face her sometime."

"No, I won't. When I'm well enough, I'll go back to France, collect my things and then…"

Catherine looked at him, reality hitting her full force. He needed her now, but he had no intention of staying. She smirked inwardly. Who had she been fooling? Only herself. And as she came to grip with his intentions, she realized that it was okay with her. She looked across the table at him again and smiled. He was a dream from the past. She would help him through this, because he was her friend…her best friend. But that was all he was. And with a certainty she hadn't felt in years, she knew where her future was, who it was with…if he could forgive her.

"Gil, stay in Vegas. Your friends are here…your family."

He looked at her sadly. "Sara was my only family…real family. You…and the others… are like family to me but, it hurts to be here right now. Later…maybe I'll come back later."

"You decided this on the plane today, didn't you?"

Letting out a soft sigh, he put his fork down. "I did. The closer we got to Vegas, the more it hurt…knowing Sara is here and… and we won't be together."

"Oh Gil," she said, reaching for and covering his hand with hers. "You could…try to…"

His eyes closed, s single tear making its way from under the lid. "No," he shook his head. "She needs…something," he said with a shrug. "Something I don't seem to be able to give her."

"Look, I saw her at the hospital. She's upset, confused…but she loves you."

Raising his head, he opened his eyes, which locked onto hers. "Sometimes love isn't enough. And I can't keep doing whatever it is that we've been doing. I can't keep … waiting."

"But Gil, if you really love her… like it seems you do… It just hurts to see you like this. Won't you at least try to talk to her while you are here?"

He sighed, the look of defeat covering him like a drape. "Maybe…" She watched as his eyes took on a far away look and his mind seemed to drift. "I do love her," he finally whispered.

He went back to his room after they ate. A few minutes later, Catherine saw the light go out under the door. He was going to bed.

Finally alone and able to focus on her own mess, she decided to try Jim again. His phone went to voicemail and she wanted to cry in frustration. "Please Jim, I need to talk to you," she said in her message. Then tossing the phone on her beside table, she began getting ready for bed herself.

She had just settled under the covers when she heard her phone. Reaching for it, she lifted it from her bedside table, hoping it was Jim. Glancing at the caller ID, she realized that it was Nick instead. With a sigh, she answered.

"Catherine," he said hurriedly.

"Nick?"

"Hey, I know you are still technically off duty and all but…"

"You overwhelmed Nicky?" she asked feeling a mixture of amusement and dread.

"Yeah, well… kind of but…. I'm calling because I thought you needed to know. Sara was at a crime scene with Jim and there was a gas line explosion…"

"Explosion? Wha…how bad? Are they okay?" Her heart was beating rapidly as she considered the possibilities.

"I don't know. I just got the call. Bad enough that both are being taken to Desert Palm. But I don't know about injuries. I thought you'd want to be in the loop…"

"Yeah, ah…yeah thanks Nick. I um…I'm heading to the hospital…"

"Okay. I have some things to finish here…I'm at a scene. I'll be over as soon as I can," said a worried sounding Nick.

Catherine threw the covers off and scurried down the hall to Lindsey's room. Flinging the door open and flipping on the lights, she called out. "Gil…wake up, Gil."

The commotion startled Gil, who sat up in bed, flustered. Catherine? What the …?"

"Nick just called. There was an explosion…Jim and Sara…they're being taken to the hospital….get dressed."

Gil blinked as the color drained from his face. "Sara…"

"Nick didn't know about injuries… he's at another scene. Hurry Gil, we need to go. I'll get dressed and meet you in the living room…" and she scooted back down the hall to get her own clothes. Catherine was frantic. What if Jim were seriously hurt? What if he needed her and they wouldn't let her see him? What if…no, she told herself. Don't even go there. He'll be fine, she said to herself as she threw on clothes. Without even looking in the mirror, she headed out.

Gil was waiting on the sofa when she scurried into the living room. "Ready?" she asked him. He nodded and followed her to the door, looking as upset as he felt.

The car ride seemed endless in Gil's mind. He watched as the city lights whirred by, his mind frantic. Sara, his Sara, was hurt again. How bad was it? What if…what if this time she…" Suddenly he was back in the dark depths of despair. His future had seemed bleak with the knowledge that they were breaking up but the thought of a world without her was crushing him. He glanced across at Catherine, who also had a grim expression on her face. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew her driving should be scaring him, but he wanted to get to the hospital as quickly as she did, so he held on and tried to prepare himself for what they would find.

Catherine didn't even bother to park in the public parking area. She pulled in near the ambulance bay and threw her LVPD permit in the front window. Gil smirked, wondering if he'd have had the presence of mind to use that. They flew out of the vehicle and rushed through the doors to ER.

Catherine ran to the desk; Gil was in pursuit. "Jim Brass and Sara Sidle…where are they?" Her tone was authoritative and left little doubt that she would not be turned away.

The nurse looked at her clipboard and then back at the worried looking woman and the man behind her. "Mr. Brass is in Exam Room C and Ms. Sidle is in D," she said warmly. "Are you fami…" she tried to ask the two backs that were hurrying away from her.

Catherine saw Room C and pushed the door open. Gil heard her intake of breath as she stepped into the room. "Jim," she cried. Gil watched as she rushed to the gurney he was lying on. Able to discern that the detective was at least alive, Gil moved to the next door.

"Jim," Catherine sobbed as she came closer to him, eyeing the blood on his shirt and face.

Jim opened his eyes and grinned at her. "Hey Sunshine," he said groggily.

Catherine grabbed his hand and covered it with both of hers. "You're hurt," she said through her tears.

"Uh…kind of. I blew up," he said happily. "But the nurse put something in my IV and I feel pretty good."

Catherine smiled through her tears. "But…where are you hurt?"

"It's not so bad, Baby. The gas line was a few yards away and when it blew, it threw debris everywhere. I got hit in the back with…something. And there's a few cuts…but I'm okay." Then looking more closely at her, his mind seemed to click that she was very upset. "Honey, really… I'm okay," he said as his eyes bore in on her, coming into focus.

She lifted her hand to his face, her fingers touching him gingerly, afraid that she would inflict more pain. "Really…you sure? Because I don't think I can handle it if you aren't."

Jim raised his hand to her face and gently stroked her cheek with his thumb. "Now that you're here, I'm fine," he said with a gentle smile.

Finally beginning to calm down, Catherine took a deep breath. "Good. Because you gave me quite a scare."

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "So does this mean…I mean…are we…you know…back together?" He looked at her hopefully, melting her heart.

"You're stuck with me mister," she said saucily. "That is…if you still want me," she said anxiously.

"Always," he answered sincerely.

Next door, Gil opened the door to Sara's room slowly. Fear restrained him, making him move in slow motion. She lay on the gurney with an IV attached to her hand. Her eyes were closed and he thought she was sleeping or unconscious. Taking a deep breath, he fought to contain his fear. Then tentatively, he stepped into the room. After all, she might not want him there, he reasoned.

He edged next to her bed and stood quietly, taking in the sight of her. There were some bruises beginning to form on the left side of her face and a cut over her eye. But as his eyes travelled over her body, he couldn't see any signs of broken bones or more serious injury. He let out a sigh of relief.

The sound of his sigh didn't go unnoticed. Sara's eyes opened and she turned to him, her eyes growing wide with surprise. "Gil?" she asked, obviously surprised to see him standing there.

"Yeah," he said softly. "Nick called Catherine and…well, here we are."

Sara glanced around the room but seeing no sign of the red head, she looked back at Gil. "You got here in a hurry…or my sense of time is way off."

Gil's facial muscles began to relax. She wasn't demanding that he leave, at least not yet. "No, we flew in from New Orleans earlier today. I... Cath offered to let me stay at her place."

She smiled at first, when he said they had already flown in, but then her face fell when he said he was staying at Catherine's. Gil wondered what that might mean. "Honey, are you okay… Nick said there was an explosion…"

She nodded, tears forming in her eyes. "I um…yeah…a few bruises and a cut or two…Jim covered me…kept me safe; so yeah, I'm okay. Do you know how he is?"

"He's next door…Cath's with him. I can go check…"

"No," she snapped. Then letting out a huff, she seemed to deflate. "I mean, I…would you just stay here with me, please. I need y… someone."

Her brown eyes were begging him and in that moment, he knew that beside her was where he was meant to be, always. He pulled a chair next to her bed and sat down, taking her hand in his. "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere Sara. I'm not ever letting you out of my sight again."

He watched as she relaxed and closed her eyes, her mouth almost forming a smile.

A few hours later both patients had been properly stitched and were ready to be released. After warnings from the doctor about not overdoing it and a list of things to do to take care of their wounds, they were handed prescriptions for pain meds and antibiotics. Gil sat with Jim and Sara as Catherine went to retrieve her car. A few minutes later, she strode through the door. "Okay, we can all go in my car," she told the group. "Sara, are you going to be okay at your place alone?"

Gil looked across at his wife surreptitiously. He didn't want her to be alone; he meant it when he said he wasn't letting her out of his sight again. Sara frowned. "I'll be okay. I think I'm just going to go to bed anyway." Her eyes cut to Gil under her lids.

Gil looked from her to Catherine, who was glaring at him as if to prod him. Gathering his courage, he spoke firmly. "You can drop me off with Sara. I'll keep an eye on her tonight."

Sara started to protest. "Gil, no…really, you are just out of the hospital. You need to sleep."

"I'll sleep when you do," he said simply.

Catherine smirked as she watched the two eyeing one another. She wondered whether they would talk and straighten things out or squabble all night. Either way, it was going to be an interesting night at the townhouse.

Jim watched Catherine as she watched the other two. She'd made up her mind, he thought happily. She looked more like a doting sister than a girl friend wannabe. Then she looked back at him. "And you are staying at my house tonight, mister."

"I am?" he asked innocently, secretly gleeful.

"You are. You need watching over too."

Jim grinned and then quietly began to sing, "Oh, how I need someone to watch over me…"

They dropped Sara and Gil at the townhouse. As Catherine pulled back into the street to head to her house, Jim began to hum the old Gershwin tune. Her mind played a brief video of all the times Jim had been there for her, watching out for her and caring. As Catherine listened, confidence crept over her. He had forgiven her. And so she began to sing with his humming.

"… _I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood  
I know I could always be good  
Someone who'll watch over me_

_Although he may not be the man some_  
_Girls think of as handsome_  
_To my heart he carries the key_  
_Won't you tell him please to put on some speed_  
_Follow my lead, oh, how I need_  
_Someone to watch over me…"_

They exchanged a knowing look and Catherine sighed inwardly, secure that she had gotten it right this time.

* * *

The song is by George Gershwin, _Someone to Watch Over Me_. I didn't plan to use it but it popped into my head as I was typing, so there it is. Please let me know what you think. You're opinions do matter, even if I don't always do what you suggest. It all makes me think, at least.


	14. Getting Straight

Gil followed Sara inside, as she unlocked and opened the door. He was so intent, so focused on her that everything around him was a blur. All he could see, all he needed to see was her. Sara threw the keys on the table by the sofa and sank into it. He stood there, watching her every move and grimacing when her discomfort showed on her face. "Sara, honey…maybe we should get you downstairs…to the bed."

She looked up at him startled and bewildered. "Why are you here?"

Somewhere deep in his chest, his heart sank. "I…you're hurt; you shouldn't be alone and I…I am your husband. It's my job to look after you."

"Yeah, right. So I'm just another job; another obsession for you…"

Eyebrows knitting together, Gil tilted his head as he watched her, trying to understand. "No Honey, you're my wife. I…well, yeah I suppose I am a bit obsessed with you. But it's because…because…" he faltered, not knowing what to say, how to explain.

"Because what, Gil? Because I'm one of the ones that got away? Because you can't fix me…because I'm broken?" Tears began to roll down her face.

Letting out a deep breath, he gawked, wondering where that had come from. But then he knew, as he'd known since she'd first told him about her childhood. She saw herself as broken…flawed in some treacherous way. Sitting next to her, he tried to make the words form in his head, the words that would answer her. "Sara, I'm really bad at this but…"

"Bad at what Gil? You're never bad at anything," she charged.

He sucked in a new breath. "I'm bad at this…at relationships, telling you how I feel, what I feel. But Sara, I love you and…"

She snorted. "Yeah right…so much that as soon as I was gone you slept wi…"

"I didn't sleep with Heather," he blurted out.

"You told me you did. Tell me Gil, did you even miss me when I left?" The tears were flowing freely now.

Feeling tears in his own eyes, Gil fought back the outburst he felt coming from within. "I…of course I did. God Sara, how could you ask that? After Warrick…after the funeral, you were my lifeline. I was drowning in grief…and scared, so scared about what would happen when you left. And I knew you would leave."

"How? How did you know?"

"You never said you were back to stay… and since you left before, you'd always insisted that you couldn't stay. And I know I told you I slept with her, but…only in the same bed. I didn't want her, didn't even think about…it. All I wanted was you and you weren't there and I was so damned lonely. I needed someone to be with me, just to be there…someone who didn't remind me of you, some place that didn't remind me of you." He paused but when she didn't respond, he decided to keep going. "Sara, everywhere that I went hurt because you weren't there. I couldn't sleep here because you weren't in the bed next to me and the lab…even at the crime scenes, something would trigger a memory. That's when I knew I had to go after you. And everything was so…right when we were together. Until Paris and then…I don't know what happened. You just kept drifting away from me, again."

She frowned at the mention of Paris and began to fidget, weaving her fingers. Gil watched and waited but she didn't say anything.

"Honey, I love you and I need you. But I can't keep doing this…long distance thing. I need to be with you. I'm not getting any younger, you know. I want…You're my family and I want my family with me," he finally blurted out in a huff.

"But…but I keep…hurting you," she said bleakly.

Suddenly his bones felt like rubber. He'd over done it physically, he realized. And emotionally, he was on overdrive. "I'd rather have you with me and we work through these…hurts than have you someplace else. I know you are afraid, Sara. I am too. But one thing has become very clear to me…you are worried that you might become a basket case and I'd see it. You're worried that you'll turn into your mother. But honey, without you I _am_ a basket case. Please Sara… you said in your note, when you left the lab … you said I am your one and only. Well, you are my one and only. Without you, I am lost."

Sara looked up, trying to see what he was feeling, to see if his words matched his emotions. What she found in his face was fear and devastation … and love. "Gil…I…" And then she noticed his slump and the gray pallor to his skin and realized he had overdone it. "Let's…go to bed. And tomorrow, when I'm not in pain so much and you've had some rest, we'll talk more." She tried to muster a smile but was too drained to accomplish it.

His features softened as he realized what she was saying. There was hope. "Yeah, maybe that's a good idea," he agreed.

A few minutes later, they both lay in the bed, both obviously uncomfortable. Lying in the darkness, sensing her so near and yet feeling so far from her, Gil asked softly. "Do you think, I mean…would it be okay if I hold you, just…hold you, please."

He felt the shift in the mattress and the added warmth as she moved closer. She lifted his arm and scooted to his side, letting his arm come down to rest over her shoulder, his hand dangling close to her cheek. He let out a satisfied sigh and then automatically, his thumb began to move, stroking her tenderly along her jaw line. "This is it, everything I want or need in life," he whispered.

Snuggling even closer and rejoicing at his touch, Sara mumbled into him. "Yeah, me too."

At Catherine's house, Jim stood in her living room as she pulled her key from the door. "So, you need anything?" She asked. "…food, drink, and by drink I mean like water or a soda. With what they've given you for pain, you don't get anything stronger."

Jim turned to look at her, a slight smile working at the corners of his mouth. "I'm fine," he said reassuringly.

Her eyes locked with his. "Yes, you are." The silence that followed was electric. She realized he was waiting for her to take the lead. "So, it's late…you ready for bed?"

Jim shifted his stance as a smirk lit his face. "You ah…ready, are you?" His tone dripped with licentiousness.

Catherine shifted her weight, giving her hips a small wiggle. "I'm always ready, Jim," she said coyly. "You know that… But tonight, maybe we'd just better…sleep."

Feeling the pain meds wearing off, Jim had to agree. He knew he wasn't really in any shape for anything else. "Maybe…" he grinned. "So, where do I…" he asked as he looked around.

Linking her arm into his, she answered. "With me, of course," she said as she led him down the hall to her room. As they passed Lindsey's door, Jim chuckled, happy that Gil never made it to where they were going.

Gil fell asleep almost immediately, more comfortable than he had been in months since he had her lying next to him. But after a few minutes, Sara was wide awake. Listening to his even breathing and luxuriating in his warmth, she was content to remain curled nest to him. But a knock at the door sounded through the house and unsettled her. Glancing at Gil, she realized he was too deep asleep to hear it. She slipped from under the covers and threw a robe over her then padded to the door. A look through the peep hole told her it was safe and she opened it. Standing in the hall, Nick and Greg had worried expressions. "Sara, you okay?" Greg blurted.

She stepped away from the door to let them enter and they followed her to the living area. They sat when she did, still watching her and wondering.

"I'm fine… a few cuts and bruises…some stitches. But it could have been so much worse. Jim um…covered me. Something hit him in the back, left a nasty bruise, I'm told."

Nick looked around. "You're okay here, alone?"

"I'm um…not alone. Grissom…is asleep."

Both men's eyes widened. "Grissom? I thought he was in…" Nick said.

"He and Catherine came back earlier today…well, probably yesterday by now. He was at her place when you called, Nick."

"At her place?" Greg was obviously upset with the news.

"Yeah. He needed a place to stay…since I'm here."

"But," Nick frowned, "he's here now?"

"Yeah. He didn't want me to be by myself tonight in case, you know…in case I needed anything." Sadness flowed from her.

"Sara," Greg asked, "Are you okay with him here? I mean, you said you guys broke up."

Fidgeting with her fingers, Sara sighed. "Yeah, I'm okay. He…he's still pretty wiped out from being sick anyway. But, he um…said some things that…" she looked down at her hands and swallowed. Then sighing, she let her hands fall into her lap. "I can't keep doing this to him… running away. It's hurting him and it's hurting me. And I had decided to just…you know, let him go… in some delusional sense of heroism. But he doesn't want to be let go…as much as the last two years have hurt him, as much as I've hurt him, he still wants… us."

"He loves you, Sara. And you know Grissom, when he's in, he's all in." Nick said gently.

"Yeah, I um…I've noticed," she acknowledged with a snicker. "He tried to let me go, to … give me the freedom I seemed to want. But it was breaking him. All I had to do was look at him when he came to the hospital. He was so scared… And truth be told, I've never been so happy to see someone in my life. When he just showed up like that, unexpected, I…I knew."

"Knew what?" Greg prodded.

"That…I need him as much as he needs me. That, without him, I'm not whole. That I need to stop running and work through whatever it is that makes me do that."

"Did you tell him that?" Nick asked softly.

"Kind of…I mean, we talked… a little. But he was so washed out and I'm still … coming out of it after the explosion. Tomorrow, we'll talk more tomorrow."

"Sara?" They heard Grissom calling from below. He sounded panicked.

Sara turned toward the sound of his voice. "I'm here, Gil."

Grissom shuffled into the kitchen, looking around, fear etched into his features. "Sara?"

"Up here, Gil…"she called out. He looked up at her, the panic abating. A furrow formed on his forehead as he realized she was not alone. Was she leaving? Had Nick and Greg come to get her?

"Hey Griss," Nick called out as he headed down the steps. "We heard you'd been sick. Glad to see you on your feet."

Gil watched him warily. "Nick," he acknowledged the younger man and then glanced up to Greg. "Greg."

"We went by the hospital…to check on Jim and Sara. They told us that both of them had been released. So we came by to check on Sara. We knew Catherine probably had Jim." Nick paused. "But we were surprised when Sara told us you were here with her."

Grissom's eyes flared. "She is my wife, Nick. I should be with her."

Nick grinned. "Yeah. But we thought you were still in New Orleans."

Backing down, Gil relaxed. "No, I got back…yesterday."

Nick smiled at his mentor. "Yeah, we heard. So, everything's okay here. We'll head out. But it's good to see you, man."

Gil nodded. "Yeah, we're…okay," he said as he looked up to Sara. "We're good. But thanks…to both of you for looking out for her."

"Hey," Greg spoke up. "She may be your wife, but she's our girl too," he said lightly.

"Yeah," Nick agreed. "Well, we'll check back tomorrow, you know…to see if ya'll need anything."

Gil looked at his younger friend. "Thanks Nicky," he said as he patted the man's shoulder.

Sara smiled as the two younger men left. Gil watched her lovingly. "You okay," he asked.

Turning to him, she smiled, her eyes lighting. "I'm feeling much better. But now I really do need some sleep." Gil smirked. "You need a pillow," he asked.

"You know…" she drawled as she descended the steps, "you are a lousy pillow." Gil was startled. She'd teased him before about being her pillow. "But," she continued, "you make a great bed warmer." Gil smiled as he followed her to their room.

* * *

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	15. The Beginning

Jim sat on the bed, watching Catherine's every move. Her graceful movements fascinated him, even after so many years of watching. His body temperature shifted as she moved towards him, heat working its way up through his body. She smiled softly as she looked down at him. "We need to get that shirt off of you," she said.

Glancing down at his battered looking shirt, he agreed. His suit jacket had been shredded by flying debris, but the shirt had survived somewhat. Between the blood, dirt, and scattered tears, it was however, a candidate for the rag box. Lifting his hands, he began to work at the buttons. His arms felt like lead though and it was difficult.

Her hands covered his, gently pushing them aside. Letting his hands fall into his lap, he sat, watching her nimble fingers work over his buttons, manipulating unseen inner ones as well as the tiny clear ones on his shirt. It felt good, having someone taking care of him.

The feel of her fingers sliding over his skin as she pushed his shirt off his shoulders made him tingle with pleasure. The look of caring in her face as she worked warmed him. Once the shirt was off, she gave him an appraising look. He winced when she ran her fingers around the cut on his shoulder. "Sorry," she said quickly when she realized his reaction. "But it is puffy. Just checking it to be sure there's no puss."

Jim nodded and grunted as she continued to peruse his wounds. He heard her gasp as she made her way to his back. He knew it would be bad; it hurt like hell. "Jim," she exclaimed, "what hit your back?"

"I'm not sure… a pole, I think."

"There's a bruise that goes almost all the way down you back and it is ugly…looks like it hit at a slight angle along your spine."

"Yeah, my back hurts all over…"

Catherine frowned as she studied the evidence. "Jim, it looks like…why did you fall toward the explosion? The bruises and cuts along you shoulders, indicates that…"

"… Had to jump forward. Sara was in front of me... to cover her. I didn't have time to get us turned away, so I just pushed her down and covered her."

She let out a deep sigh. It was so much like him, always protecting the people around him, regardless of his own safety. "Just pushing her down wasn't enough?"

Gut churning, he sighed. "Catherine, you know…it's my job to keep you CSIs safe and I can't change my methods after so many years…"

Leaning in, she placed gentle kisses along his shoulders, over his wounds. "I know. It just scares me…"

Jim closed his eyes, reveling in her ministrations and basking in her concern. "Honey, I get it," he said. "But I have to react automatically. If I took time to think about it then things could be worse. Sara could've been killed; I could've been killed."

Wrapping her arms around his neck, she hugged him from behind. "And I would never get to tell you…"

"Tell me what?"

Speaking softly, just behind his ear, her breath teasing the hair there, she replied. "I love you."

Joy filled him as she spoke those words. He needed to hear that from her, needed to know. He tried to turn, to look into her eyes, but with her practically draped over his sore back, he couldn't move. Suddenly, she was in motion, coming around in front of him again. "Now the pants," she demanded.

Any other time, he would have divested himself of the offending garments quickly. But movement was difficult as sore muscles stiffened. Besides, when the pants came off, she would see the gash along his thigh. But it was inevitable, he realized, so he stood and let her pull them down as he fought for balance. Another gasp warned him that she'd seen the wound.

She looked quizzically at his trousers and then back at his thigh. "How…your pants aren't…where'd that one come from?" She helped him as he eased back down to the bed.

Jim groaned. "At the hospital…before you got there. They wanted the pants off and I stood up to take them off because I didn't want them cutting them off. But I lost my balance and… well, I scraped the metal on the table. It cut pretty deep."

"I'll say." She studied the stitched cut, not liking the angry jagged look of it. "This'll leave quite a scar. I hope those pants are worth it," she said as she looked up at him.

Jim shrugged. After all, it was just another scar. But as he watched her fold the said pants, he regretted the grief it was causing her. "I'll um…let 'em cut the clothes off next time," he said mournfully.

She glared at him. "How about we just agree there won't be a next time?"

His brows furrowed. "Honey, I can't promise that. But, I'll try…"

His sincere regret for the pain this was causing her shattered the last of her self control. Throwing her arms around his neck, she hugged him fiercely. The sudden movement caught him by surprise and he wasn't prepared, her added weight and the awkward twist of his back to accommodate her made him ache even more. But there was no way he was going to push her away. So he sat there, their arms around one another, him almost naked and hurting all over, happy in the moment. Then he felt them, the inevitable teardrops that go with near misses like he'd had tonight. She was crying, out of fear and relief; she was crying for him.

Finally, unable to stand the pain any longer, he disentangled himself. "Honey, I think maybe I'd better…you know, lie down."

Her eyes were a picture of concern. "Yeah, um…right. I'm sorry," she said as she wiped her eyes. "Let me help you get settled and then… you ready for some of those pain meds the doctor gave you?"

Jim nodded that he was as he slipped under the covers. "Yeah," he finally managed to say. She left for a few minutes and he moved around, trying to find a comfortable position. Finally, he settled on his side, resting the stitched leg on a pillow. It put his wounded shoulder under him and he knew this position wouldn't last long, but for now it was as comfortable as he was going to get. Catherine reappeared with a glass of water and his bottle of pills. Handing him the glass, she shook two pills from the bottle and handed those to him as well. Once he downed them and had given her the glass back, he pulled the covers over him.

She set the glass and the pills on the bedside table and then settled next to him on the bed. "You know, any other time, having you naked in my bed would be a real turn on," she cooed softly.

"Being naked in your bed is a turn on anytime," he mumbled back. "But right now, I think I just really need to sleep."

"I know," she said softly as she ran her hand through his hair. "Mind if I just lie here and watch you for a little while?"

He grinned. "Not if you don't my mind that I snore."

"Only when you're on your back," she answered knowingly. "So, it should be safe for awhile."

She watched as his eyes fluttered shut. Fighting the urge to hold him, she folded her hands on her pillow, beneath her face. Then suddenly, his eyes blinked open again. "You know I love you," he said groggily, his blue eyes meeting hers squarely.

Tears rushed to her eyes again and she looked away. "I'm counting on it," she answered. "I'll let you show me how much when you're feeling better," she assured him. But as she looked across at him, she realized he was already asleep.

Sara woke first at the townhouse. They had scooted away from one another during the night, but Gil still had his hand firmly planted on her arm. The possessiveness of his grip made her smile. She studied his features in the early morning light and realized how much the illness had taken a toll. His eyes had a sunken look to them and his face was gaunt. He'd lost weight too. As she contemplated his now almost white hair, she remembered a comment she'd made several years ago to Hodges. She and Gil had walked in on him trying to cover his graying hair with a marker. It was so Hodges like and way too amusing to pass up, so she'd told him that some women found gray hair attractive. He'd been mildly surprised but it was Gil's reaction that she remembered most vividly. Although it passed quickly, his look of total shock had left her fighting back laughter. He'd always worried that he was too old for her, she mused. And their age difference might present some challenges for them in the coming years. But as she looked at him, she knew that whatever those challenges might be, she'd rather meet them head on with him than try to build a life without him in it.

Her mind wandered back to the conversation the night before. He'd said he was lost without her. How had that come to be, she wondered. He had always been so self contained and self sufficient. Had she somehow weakened him? But as she watched him sleep, she realized that she needed him just as much. She'd meant what she'd said in her note to him, he was her one and only. No one else would ever be enough. And as she thought about what his love had meant to her through these last few otherwise horrible years, she knew that she hadn't weakened him, just caused him to rearrange his priorities.

As she watched him begin to stir, a new resolve awakened within her. She would work through her demons without running away. She'd go to counseling and do whatever else it took, but she was going to stick to him like glue from now on. She would not spend another minute of her life separated from him.

As his eyes opened, he looked frantically around until he saw her. A smile grew on his face. "You're here," he said softly.

"Yeah, I am," she answered. "And I'm not going anywhere without you ever again."

Gil pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her. "No, you are not," he said firmly.

One month later, a small group gathered at a little white chapel just outside the city limits. Gil's eyes were fixed on Sara, his expression one of awe as he took in her beauty. Her dark auburn dress highlighted her coloring, giving extra life to her chocolate eyes. And she looked fantastic in it, making Gil wish things would hurry up so he could take her home and get her out of it.

Sara was doing her share of ogling as well. Gil was wearing her favorite blue suit that set his eyes off. And he was looking roguishly handsome today. She briefly wondered how long it would take her to get him out of those clothes.

Both then turned their attention to the couple in the middle. Jim and Catherine stood side by side, her hand in his. Gil couldn't ever remember seeing Jim look so scared. And Catherine looked radiant in a lighter version of the same color Sara wore. Jim too was dressed in a blue suit, looking sharp. Then Gil handed Jim the ring, being careful with the handoff after seeing how much Jim's hands were shaking.

Looking across, he saw Sara grin at the sight of the fierce police captain's nervousness. Then she handed Catherine a ring. The couple exchanged their vows and Jim turned to kiss his bride, his nervousness suddenly gone. He opted for a somewhat chaste kiss but Catherine had other ideas. He ended their "first kiss" but then she took over, laying a seductive one on him that left him breathless.

Their friends that had gathered to celebrate chuckled behind them. Catherine smiled as they turned to look into the faces of the small group. She felt Jim's hand take possession of hers and squeeze. He wanted out of here as much as she did. They fled down the center aisle and out the front doors. The others followed closely. Nick yelled as they got into the limo, "we'll see you at the reception."

Finally alone, Jim kissed her as he'd wanted too all day. When they finally parted, she began to giggle. "Won't they be surprised?"

Jim chuckled as well. "Well. We had to have a reception."

"Yeah, but I think they are expecting us to be there."

Jim looked at her seriously. "You want to go? We could…"

"Uh-uh," she said, shaking her head negatively. "You promised me a trip to Cancun."

The limo pulled into the small airport lot. The driver opened the door for the couple and they climbed out. Holding Catherine's hand, Jim led her to the waiting plane. "It's really nice that you get to use the company plane," he said loudly, to be heard over the engine noise.

"Yes, it is," she agreed. As they settled into their seats and the plane began to taxi, Catherine looked across at her new husband. "You'll find there a re a lot of perks to working under me at The Eclipse," she said with a twinkle in her eye.

Matching her twinkle, Jim looked across at her. "Baby, I'll never have a problem being under you…anytime." The plane lifted off and headed south, carrying the newlyweds into their new life.

* * *

Okay, so this is the end. Many, many thanks to all who took the time to leave reviews. It was wonderful and tough at the same time. Everyone had their own ideas about how the couples should work out. I'm sorry if you were disappointed with the outcome. I hope you enjoyed it anyway;) In any case, I did keep you guessing, I think.

This is probably the last story I will write that features Catherine. I've loved the character for years but the last year or so, they've messed her up, IMO. And she's been down right bitchy with Brass. Of course, he's been snarky with her too but then that's part of his charm at times, his snarkiness. I started this months ago, when I still liked her character but found it difficult to play nice with her towards the end, so maybe I shouldn't be writing her anymore.

I have an idea for another Brass story but it is going to be very involved and require some research. So, I probably won't write anything new for awhile uinless the show sparks some serious inspiration. But you can bet I'll be reading, so you guys keep writing!

TTFN,

Lizzie


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